Elliot Rodger, Mens Rights Activism, Misogyny & Where It Starts.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know about Elliot Rodger, the young man who went on a killing spree in the town of Santa Barbara, CA before he turned the gun on himself & took his own life.

Here’s a comprehensive report of what took place (on the small chance you aren’t aware of what happened):

Of particular interest to me was his final video, where he made his proclamations of wanting to make the women pay for their rejections of him.  I’m embedding the video here, because it should be watched over and over again, analytically.

Also of interest was his 140 page manifesto titled “My Twisted World”, where he complained he had to “…endure an existence of loneliness and insignificance, all because the females of the human species were incapable of seeing the value in me.”

He then goes on to say the following:

My orchestration of the Day of Retribution is my attempt to do everything, in my power, to destroy everything I cannot have. All of those beautiful girls I’ve desired so much in my life, but can never have because they despise and loathe me, I will destroy. All of those popular people who live hedonistic lives of pleasure, I will destroy, because they never accepted me as one of them. I will kill them all and make them suffer, just as they have made me suffer. It is only fair.”

Many have written this off as the words & actions of a sociopath.  I disagree…..I see it as misogyny taken to the extreme.  I tweeted that yesterday, and received a lot of hate tweets in response, mostly from men (surprise…..).  Here are some of the comments:

u diluted the fact that murdering ppl based on WMP, misogyny, racism “is” a psychological disorder.  now me fucking ur mom to death was because of my male privilege, but that’s a crime of passion not murder.

Another #liberalprogressive#moron =======> @PhilVarlese

not only should your opinion be rethought it is quite scary but hey thank God we still can say what we feel in America.

That is insane. wow! You must have attended the conferences creating the great divide. Embarrassing point of view.

You are a disgusting, vile, leftist and racist. You contribute nothing to our society other than bile and blather.

But this issue isn’t about me, it’s about what I perceive as a very real threat that I fear will happen again and again in our country if men don’t start acknowledging that extreme misogyny exists.  Feminist blogger Melissa McEwan made a very salient point in a recent tweet when she said:

Dismissing violent misogynists as ‘crazy’ is a neat way of saying that violent misogyny is an individual problem, not a cultural one”

So why are men so quick to jump on the bandwagon of this kid being crazy, or on drugs, or “not representative of all men”?

Simple, they don’t want to admit that the only difference between Elliot Rodger & them might be a social or moral filter.  In other words, there’s a little Elliot Rodger in all men.

That’s a scary thing to say, but the male ideology that women are no more than a commodity, and that men have a right to every one of them (or at least the ones they want) is all too common, especially among teenage boys.

Recently, a friend of mine confided to me about his niece, a 15 year old teen, who’d been friends with a boy from her neighborhood for years.  The boy comes from a well to do family (his dad is a lawyer), and the two have been close since grammar school.  Several weeks ago, the girl received an anonymous message that essentially said that if she didn’t provide the author(s) of the message with naked pictures, the young man she’s been friends with would be seriously hurt.  Fortunately, she took that information to her parents, who reported it to the police.  The police did a thorough job, forcing the internet messaging service (which is out of the US) to provide information on this user.  Imagine the shock when they found out that the messages were coming from her long time friend.  The kid was brought up on charges, and the family of the girl got a restraining order against him.

Less than a week later, the girl is sitting at lunch, and this entitled “young man” comes to sit at the same table that she’s sitting at.  Again, parents meet with the school, who claim that because the problem happened off school grounds, there’s not much they could do (yes, the principal is male).  After a call from the family attorney, the kid was expelled, and sent to a different school.

My point here is that even at those young years, boys are being conditioned to treat women with less value.  I’m not a psychologist (though I minored in it) or sociologist, but over my years I can tell you that few parents are modeling what love is supposed to look like, and that combined with the media almost glorifying the Chris Brown’s & Ray Rice’s of the world, make it easy for boys to think that it’s okay to treat women in that manner.  Take it one step further, like in the case of Elliot Rodger where he thought that women had absolutely no right to reject him, and seeing some of those same women “consorting” with men of other races & ethnicities, and it’s a formula for trouble.  Elliot Rodger wanted to be famous for this (and sadly, months from now, more people will remember his name than the names of his victims).

I don’t always agree with Dr. Keith Ablow, but I would recommend that anyone who’s a parent read his article called “We Are Raising A Generation Of Deluded Narcissists”.  I think that his analysis is spot on, that kids today create personas that seem to be more than what they actually are, an that narcissism, along with his misogyny, resulted in all these unnecessary deaths.

My first sexual experience came when I was 12.  It was unsatisfying & uncomfortable for both me and the girl.  After several days, I talked with my dad about what happened.  He looked me in the eye, and asked if I had feelings for the girl (which of course I didn’t…..it was just 2 kids trying to do what they’d heard so much about).  When I told him no, he brought me into the kitchen, where my parents and I had a 2 hour dialogue about love and sex.  What I walked away with that evening was that while sex can be great, sex with someone you love is even greater because of the underlying emotions.  It’s guided me through all of my relationships over the years, and it’s something that I will try hard to instill in my son’s core values.

With that said, he will also learn to value women, and not treat them as a commodity that exists solely for their pleasure.

More important, I’m pretty sure my son won’t be going on a shooting spree with my guidance.




5 thoughts on “Elliot Rodger, Mens Rights Activism, Misogyny & Where It Starts.

  1. I want to add something here. While Elliot Rodger was part Asian, he personally wasn’t part of the “privileged white male” club that so many white men are part of in America. His fault was the want to be part of it.
    Additionally, someone I know posted something that indicated that white male privilege is the problem. I disagree. Misogyny itself is the problem, and men of all races and nationalities engage in it. My friend who mentioned it is black.
    I would urge him to read forums like http://www.thickbbwforum.com/forum/, and while women aren’t hated there, they are treated as commodities, and judged on their appearance. There are other sites where black men develop their pickup game, and I’ll leave it to the readers to see what I’m talking about, so as not to give any particular one any kind of endorsement.

  2. It’s not just misogyny – it’s narcissism. If you read the “manifesto” which is more like a 140 page whine, he judges everyone (yes, every male too) he meets as lower than him. He just had a inflated sense of false self-importance and it festered inside him until he went insane. The hypocrisy also of being disgusted at everyone else having a relationship, yet the fact he maniacally desired one also drove him nuts.

    He’s like a psychopathic Holden Caulfield.

    1. I agree to a point, and pointed out that his behavior is clearly narcissistic. Again, I refer my readers to the Dr. Keith Ablow article called “We Are Raising A Generation of Deluded Narcissists”, and while his behavior was certainly narcissistic, his rage was directed mostly at the women. THAT is what my blog is about.

  3. After watching his video, I see a truly petulant, entitled boy. I was this kid once myself, with the exception of having had three kisses by the time I was in college and one man who wanted to date me, but I freaked out. I was terrified of dating. (Glen, wherever you are, you have no idea how much I regret not going out with you!) As for “what [the girls] don’t see in him,” well perhaps they had an instinct about the man behind the facade.

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