“Louie”, BBW Bashes & Size Acceptance

Seems as if most of the size/fat acceptance blogs this week have been in response to the recent episode of the Louie TV show where Sarah Baker (playing what the lead character considers a fat girl), laments over how it sucks to be a fat girl, particularly with regard to relationships & dating.

Reading some of the responses in forums & discussion groups, it appears that many women seem to identify with her comments.  Some have said that it’s hard to admit, while others have embraced her words.  Comments like THIS:

This is me. So much me in this, wow.
It’s not cool to cry at your desk when you’re at work, is it? This was perfectly played out for me. Gah. Tears at work.

Louie

 

A recent article on Deadspin written by Dan Weiss (of “Ask A Guy Who Likes Fat Chicks fame, among other great things) discusses how the show possibly missed the point, especially with regard to guys who are in fact attracted physically to fat girls.  In the article, he discusses the sellouts of events like the Vegas BBW Bash, where a thousand people or more of the opposite genders get together, looking for sex, relationships or both.

Regular readers of my blogs know that several years ago, I was involved in running events just like the ones described by Dan.  We typically drew 300+ people to a small hotel in New Jersey for a weekend of friendships, hooking up, food, fun & in some cases, romance.  After 3+ years of being involved, I walked away, asking no financial return for my part of it.  Why would I do that?

During the time that I was involved, I was becoming increasingly unsettled, watching what for me seemed like Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day movie, where the same things would be repeated over and over.  Some of the women would arrive at the hotel  a day or two prior to our event, and some men would do the same.  These were the guys who didn’t attend the actual event activities.  They couldn’t, because they had other lives that didn’t involve fat women.  In many cases they were there to “try” a fat woman…..they were the guys who did the BBW porn search on Google to find fat chicks to masturbate to quietly, while making fun of fat girls with their co-workers in their “real” life.  They’d come in early, take care of business, then head home for the weekend to be with their thin wives.  What I found distasteful wasn’t the cheating aspect (that happens with lots of shitty people), but the manner in which it was done, which essentially amounted to treating fat women as a fetish, no more than their dirty little secret.  Sure there were some who actually attended the weekend activities, but they’d leave on Sunday morning, and wouldn’t be seen or heard from again until the next weekend event.

Dan’s article well addresses what these events are for with regard to guys like us, who find fat women attractive, and choose not to hide that part of us from the rest of the world.  For fat women who have relationships (emotional or sexual) with those guys, it can cause all of that frustration described by Sarah Baker on Louie to go away, since there’s an implied honesty between both parties.

But what about those who engage the “fake” FA, the ones I described above?  For me, those Sunday Farewell Lunches that we’d attend would reflect (for many, not for all) disappointment, despair, in some cases lower self esteem (because the guy she expected to bring to the luncheon was already gone).  There were smiles, but some of them hid the real feelings of some of the people who attended.

Yet, in spite of that, every time a new weekend date was announced, everyone would line up to do the same thing, again and again.  To me, it was a reminder that for many, it sucked, but it was still the best thing going, 

I began to question why people had to attend a segregated event to begin with.  After all, if 2/3 of the US is overweight or obese, why would we have to stigmatize ourselves by having events like this?  Why couldn’t we simply go out in life to any of the places that people who aren’t fat, or attracted to a fat body go to?  That for me is what brought me to size acceptance.  After much thought, I came to the conclusion that BBW bashes can actually be damaging for many people who attend them.  I observed how so many of the guys who came to these events would literally step over women to try to encounter the fat paysite model that they saw on the internet when they did the BBW Google search.  My concerns weren’t about the models, who were often in relationships, or didn’t need one.  I worried about the women who were “passed over” in the process, or the ladies who left with a guy after the guy realized he wasn’t going to “get” the webmodel, and settled on the fat girl he was with.

Trust me, it wasn’t about white knighting for the ladies, they’re adults and can make their own choices.  For me however, I didn’t want to facilitate that.  My preference was to help change the world’s perceptions about fat people, so hopefully events like this would no longer be necessary.  Let’s face it, are there weekend events where people who are attracted to only blondes get together?  How about a bald guy bash?  The point is, those events don’t happen, because there’s no reason for them to exist.

My choice is to continue the fight for size acceptance, and to me there’s just no room for events that can give you an emotional high for a weekend, and then return to the world where fat is considered substandard.  As fun as it may seem during that time, it’s like a drug, addictive, with no real payoff for anyone involved.  It’s almost better for it to suck, as Sarah Baker’s salient point was made, than to live in a false world several weekends a year.

Louie

 

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