Who’s A Good Fatty?

It started nice enough about a week ago.  A fat activist (and great lady) by the name of Amanda Levitt (Please Google her if you don’t know who she is) came up with the hashtag #notyourgoodfatty. 

Essentially the hashtag was used to articulate the systematic discrimination directed towards fat people by others.  Why #notyourgoodfatty?  Pretty simple, really.  It relates to the assumption by those doing the discriminating that those discriminated against (the obese) will not react to the discrimination, in other words, be a good fatty.

Um, my friends aren’t having that.

With that said, a tremendous amount of tweets in support of the hashtag, positive affirmations, and an overall sense of community was felt by all who participated.  Of course, the trolls began to make their voices heard, in an effort to diffuse some of the progress made by those using the hashtag.  It was the usual cries of “you’re all gluttons”, to “you’re at higher risk for diabetes, heart issues, and cancer”, to just “you people are disgusting”.  All of this is part of the reason that the hashtag was created to begin with.  This blog won’t get into the actual discussion of the barbs thrown by trolls.  That’s been done in the past, and in the effort to get to the point, if one wants links to the more contemporary research disproving many of the accusations of the trolls, you can see them on my “Edumacation/Edification” page.

One of the friends I made on Twitter recently is a lovely fat activist who has spent far more time participating in this Twitter campaign than I have, based on my recent work constraints.  This morning, I posted the following meme, with the following caption:  “Used often, but SO true”


Less than 5 minutes after I posted it, my Twitter friend began to respond to me.  Here’s what she said over several tweets:

fat is part of my identity. I can’t take it off and put it on. It doesn’t get trimmed every few weeks, like nails.

for many of us fat folks, though, being fat is part of our definition. It’s not something we can change or ignore. I can’t go into the world without considering how it will treat me: bathrooms with enough clearance? Sturdy chairs w/out arms? Etc.

and we must steel our minds against thin supremacy messaging. The world isn’t fat-friendly. Most folks see our fat first.  if we’re lucky, they’ll take time to see us as people. Most don’t. (Ref: thin supremacy agenda)

I was floored.  Not because I thought she was off the mark with her response.  I was floored because in all of my fat activism, I forgot about many of these things.  She was absolutely right!

Those of you who know me know I’m not fat.  I exercise daily, and I’m very aware of what I eat (thanks to onset diabetes & a bilateral pulmonary embolism several years ago).  Other than being engaged to a wonderful fat girl, I don’t have a horse in the race.  My only connection to fat activism has been based on people I loved who happened to be fat, and seeing how poorly they’ve been treated.  Don’t get me wrong, my fiancee’ and I have faced up to some very harsh fat discrimination (which you can read in my earlier blogs).  The thing is, if it’s not seen on a daily basis, one can forget how harsh that discrimination can be.

Sure, I can react to trolls on Twitter, but it’s not really worth it because all one has to do is see the volume of tweets & compare it to the number of their followers to know that their impact is minimal at best.

I thought back to the days when I was running the New Jersey BBW Bash with Berna.  Prior to every event, we’d check the hotel to make sure the accommodations would accommodate the obese.  We needed to make sure the hotel had several elevators, that our patrons had rooms close to them.  We would sit with the caterers prior to the event to make sure that everyone’s dietary needs were met at the luncheons & dinners we hosted.  We talked with the staff at the hotel to ensure that they were “fat friendly” (we didn’t want our guests to hear whispers or snickering if they walked past a maid or hotel clerk).  We hired security to ensure that our private pool parties remained private (I can’t tell you how many cameras I confiscated from trolls who tried to sneak pics of the fatties in bikinis so they could show their friends).  We would do the same thing at the restaurants that we patronized, we’d check tables & chairs for sturdiness (no booths, please).  We’d talk with the wait staff.  EVERYTHING was done to make our guests feel like we’d considered everything in making sure they were accommodated.

My friend’s comments today caused me to think that perhaps I’d forgotten about a fat persons needs & expectations, and made me wonder why, since it’s not that difficult to do, people don’t just be considerate that way in our daily lives.  Is it really that hard to sit next to a fat person on a plane for a couple of hours and not bitch because their fat spills over into your “territory”?  Is it necessary to watch a fat person eat in a restaurant or at a mall and not stare, give disapproving looks, or lecture them on “healthy eating”?  Most important, do you really have to add your two cents to the #notyourgoodfatty  hashtag because you feel that their fat is somehow affecting YOUR life?

Really, it’s not.  I can assure you of that.  In fact, your trolling, looks of disapproval, pic taking, mocking, and fat bias are starting to affect MY life, and I don’t like it.  Here’s a good idea for those of you who somehow take pleasure in it.  Come up to me and do & say those things to my face, and see what happens.

Come at me, bro…..


PS…..thank you Dayna for making me think about all these things today!



4 thoughts on “Who’s A Good Fatty?

  1. ooh, white knight, lord and protector of fatties. Do you buy them bagels and support them keep the fat? Because that’s what it’s all about “I’m fat, and here are my 1000 excuses to stay that way.” People like you make the problem worse, but hey as long as your fiance is a fatty and you like it that way, why change? I works for you – in fact you prefer a world with more fatties because it’s eye candy. *wink*wink* or should I say *oink oink*

    1. Hi Stephanie, you seem angry? I would imagine you might be, after you attempted to post your snarky comment, only to find out that I moderated them & assumed I wouldn’t approve yours.

      What you’re referring to in your comments is feederism, a practice which if you read more than one of my blogs, is something that I don’t participate in. I think it can be a dangerous practice, especially if there are issues with one or more of the participants. Most people engaged in feederism don’t like me, much like you. I don’t care. I white knight for no one, I simply stand up for what I feel is right, and the only payoff I seek is change in the world. I really don’t have the time to masturbate to all of the fat ladies in the world that you’ve accused me of. I think you’re just having difficulties understanding my motivation for working to change the world’s perceptions/biases about fat people. Sex always comes to mind in arguments like this, mostly because when one looks up fat or BBW on the internet, virtually all they see are links to porn pages (See my blog called The BBW-Porn Connection).

      I can’t tell your age by your Tumblr page, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been attracted to fat women since you were still floating in your dad’s testicles. That attraction is no different that someone who’s attracted to a person with red hair, or large breasts, or who smokes (yes, they exist), or someone who’s transgendered. Attraction is attraction, it can’t simply be explained away.

      You’re a prime example of fat bias, as evidenced by your “oink oink” comment, and if you said that in my presence, I’d slap the taste out of your mouth. It’s the lack of respect of others that I react to. I see this as part of an overall decline in the standards we had in America in years past. While people like you disappoint me, I put my faith in other young people who may have the ability to learn that people are people first, then they are fat/medium/average people, or straight or gay or male/female/trans, or Christian/Muslim/Agnostic/Atheist. It’s unfortunate that you don’t fall into the group of those who still have the ability to want or understand, but other than this one response, I prefer not to waste my time on fools like you any more. Those who count are those who think, and it appears that you simply don’t have the tolls to do that.

      By the way, if given a choice between living in a world with more fatties, or living in a world with ass nuggets like you, I think my choice becomes obvious.

    2. Wow. Your hate is really … kinda pointless, isn’t it? I’m sorry that your life is so unfulfilling that you have to knock someone else down. I’ve never yet found a person who was happy with herself who also had to break others down. I wish you well.

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