Making It Personal

There won’t be any promotion online for this blog.  It’s written by me, FOR me.  If after you read it you disagree with me, that’s fine.  If you do, that’s fine as well.

Most of you know that some of my recent blogs have been critical of part of the fat community.  I’ve received some criticism and nasty comments from people that I considered friends for some time.  Initially the comments hurt my own feelings (some of them were ageist, but I suppose that making age comments are acceptable to them, though fat comments aren’t….the SAME fat comments that I take people to task for and have done for many years.

Much of the fat community that I know is an incestuous community.  Everyone knows everyone’s business.  Worse yet, the community is quite covert, and will stab you in the back at a moment’s notice.  When I went through my divorce in 2009-2010, I did my best to keep the particulars quiet, but as usual, people came out of the woodwork to pry, and get whatever information they could get.  I wish the old adage that “no one cares” could have applied at that time, but it didn’t, and it caused me to go underground for a while until things cooled down.  That was one of the many reasons that I chose to no longer participate in co-running the NJ Bash.  I was accused of many things at the end, including being accused of using the Bash as my personal dating pool (which couldn’t have been further from the truth).

In the interim, I helped people I thought were friends.  Whether it was web models who had their content stolen that I helped get the pirated material removed, or fat acceptance webmasters whose sites I supported financially, to just people in the fat community whose pictures were stolen and put on troll sites for fat admirers to stroke to, I did my best to help.  There was never a “thank you” or “atta boy”, barely an acknowledgement from the people I helped.  It was almost like they thought I was white knighting, or there was an underlying motive.  Interestingly enough, none of these people had anything to say when my dad got sick and passed away in 2013.  No consolations, NOTHING.  Yet, you somehow find it in yourself to take me to task for speaking my mind about a community that in my estimation isn’t really a community at all?  Do you monitor my social media pages, waiting for me to say something that makes you uncomfortable so you can all pounce?  That isn’t friendship….I feel sorry for you if you think it is.  Sorry if I don’t further your agendas.  My agenda is size acceptance, not bullshit acceptance.

Some of these same “friends” now feel a need to say I’m bitter.  Bitter is a term that was thrown at me by a former friend, and while I’m guessing, it wouldn’t surprise me if that has been mentioned by that person to others, perhaps the same people throwing the bitter stick at me now.   Let’s see how bitter I am…….I’ve been with a wonderful woman for the past 3 1/2 years, my son & daughter (AND my stepdaughter) make me proud every day,  My job hasn’t changed much, and while I’m no longer active promoting pro wrestling, I still have my finger on the pulse of it, and have been writing some articles & blogs about the business part of the business.  I coached my son’s soccer team for the last 4 games of the season, and we went 4-0.  I think “bitter” is a bit of an overstatement…

Perhaps it’s because some of these people are bitter themselves.  Bitter HOW?  I don’t really know and care at this point.  Again, the same people that I thought were friends, the people I consoled and counseled during bad times, the people I helped financially, the people I often went to war over with others because I felt they weren’t being treated fairly, maybe weren’t friends after all.  I’m equally responsible for that happening.  A few years ago in therapy, I came to realize that it was part of my nature to help people.  That wasn’t a problem.  The problem as I found out, is that I was wasting my help on people who didn’t deserve it.  I think they’re called “false friends”.  They aren’t enemies, but they’re people who are friends with you & have ulterior motives.  I don’t think that will be happening again.

A couple of you have already unfriended me on Facebook after the last blog.  I plan on losing a few more over the next few weeks, this time by MY choice.  If you make the cut, consider yourself a friend, and know that I will always be there to offer myself to you at any time.

For the rest of you, I wish you well.

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3 thoughts on “Making It Personal

  1. For my real friends…
    You have blessed us, O God, with the gift of friendship,
    the bonding of persons in a circle of love.
    We thank you for such a blessing:
    for friends who love us, who share our sorrows,
    who laugh with us in celebration, who bear our pain,
    who need us as we need them, who weep as we weep,
    who hold us when words fail, and who give us the freedom
    to be ourselves.
    Bless our friends with health,
    wholeness, life, and love.

  2. I won’t be so obsequious as to claim to be a friend the way you are indicating. My wife and I have never gone to the NJ Bash, and so I don’t know if we’ve ever met in person or exchanged thoughts on these matters in our own voices. But I know what losing a father is like, ten years before it happened to you, thus making it impossible for my first wife to meet him in person, let alone my current spouse. It truly sucks rocks, and I hope those who are left in your tight circle are helping you a lot. And I hope the conversation will continue, and if you don’t feel there is much of a community, that we can discuss how that might be remedied.

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