Fat Sex…

No, this is not one of those titles where you then read “Now that I have your attention……”

The subject today is in fact fat sex.  Not the act itself, but the attraction.  I was in a group today, and one of the members (who does some size positive modeling) was talking about how no one in her life has ever called her pretty.  I asked a pointed question of her, which was, had her dating experience been with what the community generally calls “Fat Admirers” (FAs).

The reason I asked that is because in many cases, the Fat Admirer is more preoccupied with the body of his desired one that he barely sees her face, just her fat.  From a recent post in one of the underground troll sites dedicated to the following of fat web models:

She is butt fucking ugly, but OMG that fucking belly is so fucking incredible that I’d forget about her face long enough to shoot my jizz all over that fat belly!!!!

By the way, the above comment was made about another web model, not the woman who posted in the Facebook group.  Anyway, her response struck a nerve, since it confirmed my thoughts on this subject, which I’ve been writing about for years now.  Essentially she said that  she only dated one guy who said openly he was a fat admirer, but tended to avoid them, since she preferred not being someone’s fetish.

FetishThere is a campaign involving fat women called “I Am NOT a Fetish”, and I think it may be in direct response to what my friend is talking about.  Now, I’m sure that some of you are going to post the Mirriam Webster definition of Fetish in response to this blog, but trust me, I know what it says, I’ve used that definition in another blog.  For the fetishist, that definition may be fine, but for the OTHER person, how they FEEL defines if they feel like they are a fetish.

A recent forum post from another internet place where I’m active:

I have been on this site for a while and sometimes I come across some really nice guys and then I come across the ones who tells me a hundred times that they are hard and horny as hell. So is this what this site is about? I don’t mind sex at all but don’t get mad at me if I don’t want to chat about just your horniness.

While this isn’t fetish, it certainly shows that the fat relationship can be very sexually charged.  One of the responses in the thread caught my interest, especially in response to a question to the men who seem to do this like Pavlov’s dogs:

So as one member told me years ago, it is a game.  If I ask 10 women, I know at least 2 will say yes.  So they ask or infer until they get to yes.

It’s law of average, and the guy will blame the two “yes” women for their own creepy behavior, making it easy for them to somehow justify their actions.

I feel strongly that fat women generally have a right to be a bit cynical when it comes to our gender, and from my experience (not yours or the experience of anyone else), I don’t have a problem with it. If friendships or relationships take a little longer to develop because of a degree of caution on their part, I say so be it.  It sort of leaves the horny guys who want immediate gratification on the outside looking in.

From one of my previous blogs, and it’s worth mentioning again:

Guys look for so much physical attraction and satisfaction that there’s little fidelity within the community. They chat, they sex, they leave. Yeah, I know women who are like that too, but that will be for another blog. The “chat/sex/leave” syndrome screws good women up. It plays on their emotions, and eventually many of them become cynical, even of the guy who may have the most honest of intentions. It’s like a virus, the bad guys screw up the good women, who then begin to mistrust ALL men, and when a guy tries to break through the walls, ends up getting hurt so bad himself, that he runs the risk of becoming the cynic himself, and hurting the next person he’s involved with

Most of you know I’m quite old school when it comes to relationships.  At my age, I probably need to be, but that’s not the reason I’m the way I am.  While I love sex as much as the next person, I love it within the structure of a healthy, loving relationship where both people feel made to be important to the other person, and not reduced to their looks (their fat).

I’m going to leave you with this one salient point, made not by me, but by someone else who “gets it” when it comes to the sexual attraction, and being a Fat Admirer:

Admiration is about looking at something from afar.  There is a distance and a separateness in the word.   What i think a lot of people want is a true coming together and real mutual support, but you can’t have that is there is basic inequality and misunderstanding in the relationship.  I understand people wanting to keep their fantasy life intact but there are ways to do that without making other people feel like non persons.



3 thoughts on “Fat Sex…

  1. I wish so much I could find just one good guy who (1) doesn’t run screaming “NO FAT CHICKS” when he sees my profile photo, (2) isn’t looking to try out the token fat chick, (3) isn’t looking to feed a fetish (or me, for that matter), and (4) doesn’t think I’m a “sure thing” or “desperate” just because I’m fat. All I want is one good man. I haven’t found one yet who isn’t already taken. Is that really so much to ask? Apparently so.

    Side tangent. So many stinking dating profiles announce “good guys” looking for women who don’t play head games, love themselves, etc. Newsflash, Shallowend McDouchecanoe. I AM that woman who came up as an 85-96% match for you, who likes the same action movies you do, who hates rom-coms, who will play Warcrack WITH you and who will treat you like a king. So maybe you’d best think again about your top qualifications, because if we’re that close a match and you turn me down, you need a reality check.

  2. I’ve written this in other places. I have started calling myself a FPL, a fat-positive lover, as a proposed solution to the problems with the FA term. Because I feel like love is what I really feel, which includes all the hot sexy feelings but deeper things as well, and because part of that is wanting to make the world a better place with less discrimination. I think posting calling a model ugly is just bizarre, and for my two cents the models I’ve seen all have the most beautiful smiles in their pictures. And this chat/sex/leave thing, never really occurred to me, I mean when you find a woman who has a good time with you, you’d have to be an idiot not to keep coming back right? But I guess there are a lot of idiots out there… Or maybe because I’m both not a natural girl-magnet and not willing to intoxicate women such that I have that much arrogance: I’ve never thought of any fat woman I’ve encountered as easy or desperate. In fact when I was younger I felt that the men who preferred thin women had all the path laid out before them and they could do no wrong, and I had everything stacked against me in terms of conversation and language, I talked myself in circles out of fear that girls would get spooked if I just named what I liked about them, etc.

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