Fear & Loathing in the BBW/FA Dating Scene

I still occasionally look in and post some size positive posts at the old forum that I used to be active in,  and noticed the following post someone made about a particular guy:

This is just a public service announcement to inform you that if you or anyone you may know is involved with this member he is in fact married. I would never have posted anything publicly but I see he is still creeping around here. I think women on this site have the right to know. He is not open or honest about it and in fact vehemently denied it for quite some time. He has since admitted it. What anyone may choose to do with this information is up to them but I feel it’s only fair that everyone has the opportunity to make their own informed decisions with full disclosure.Thank you and have a great day!!!

I kept the guy’s name off here (not to protect the innocent, but because it’s not important to my point), but I remember this guy from when I was running the NJ Bash with my partner.  He used to come down before the events started, never book a room on his own, and then after bedding someone down, leave in the wee hours of the morning, when he wouldn’t be seen sneaking out (except by me, since I patrolled the halls of the hotel, trying to keep us from getting kicked out).

Can you really expect a guy with this MO to be honorable??

I gotta say that I’ve always taken issue with a “man” who shows up at BBW/FA events solely for the sex, then leaves the room while the girl is sleeping, with not even a thank you, or a chance of dating again (but a chance of more sex I suppose, if the dude is still interested).  So, when  you find out that he’s married and you freak out and warn the others about him, others look at you as if you’re just trying to get revenge on him because he dumped you (which isn’t the case with the woman who made the post.  In her case she looked into his background, and found out all the things she needed to know)

Yet, despite everyone knowing about what he was about when he showed up at my events, someone would always think that they were going to be “different”, yet always ended up with the same result.

I did a little homework on the internet, and was able to find out via his username
1.  His e-mail address (2 of them, actually)
2.  Where he lives
3.  Who he works for
4.  His marital status
5.  Other places he frequents online (trust me, he’s a busy man)

That took me all of 24 minutes.  Okay, so you don’t want to spend time to find out about a potential, lover/partner/spouse?  Spend $20-$40 and get an online report on the person, that can basically tell you the same info.  I’ve done that in the past (yes, even guys can be victims if they allow it…….you know, once bitten)

Sometimes you get what you deserve if you don’t think before you act.  I’m telling you all, that in 5 years, many of you will come back and tell me I was right about things I talked about in my blogs. And while I know that the same thing occurs OUTSIDE of the fat community, I think it becomes more important here, because this community can seem incestuous at times, and so many people know so many others here.

This is not meant to be mean spirited to the person(s) who is/are the victim(s) by any means.  I don’t want to be right about these things.  I write because I care, despite what some may think.


3 thoughts on “Fear & Loathing in the BBW/FA Dating Scene

  1. Good onya, Phil. I outed a man once for his behavior of preying on vulnerable women online and was CRUCIFIED for it in the (not FA) community we shared. I’ve never EVER spoken about this in public, and I won’t give any kind of details, but suffice to say that the women involved didn’t want to hear about his foibles. I think there’s a disconnect among certain women – a willingness to put blinders on themselves as you’ve described. I learned my own lesson on this the hard way and hope never to put myself in the position of wearing the rose-colored glasses again. It’s not reality, and when we hit the ground afterward, in spite of the guy’s part in it, we have to put a great deal of the blame for our pain on our own shoulders for every red flag we ignored in our rush to be loved and valued.

    1. A couple of years ago, there was a “secret” Facebook group called “Don’t Date Him, Fat Girl”. It was supposed to be a safe place where women could discuss different men in the community that they’d experienced problems with.
      A caveat was posted in the group that said that one person’s results may not be the same as someone elses, but the responses poured in. Some of the guys in the community found out about the group, and their concern was that their names would come up. My feeling was that if they’ve done the right thing, then they had nothing to worry about.
      My name actually came up in a thread titled “Guys Who Seem Nice, But Are Really Shitty”. I was sent a copy of the posts where my name was mentioned, and it didn’t bother me at all, since I knew the truth, which was that I was in fact shitty to one of the women who made the accusation, but while we had no dating history, I was shitty to her because of the time it took her to repay a loan to me, while she was staying with my ex wife and I when we lived together. I always believe that time takes care of things, and the fact that I’m in a long term relationship (over 3 years) with a fantastic woman should be sufficient in showing that I am who I am. Honestly, no one can hide shtty for that long.
      Eventually the group went away when women there began to accuse each other of using the posts to punish good guys who broke up with THEM, and lost it’s true purpose.

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