Men, Judging…….And Advice. A Christmas Gift.

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A great picture with a very striking message.  This picture appeared in a forum on Facebook that I participate in this past week.

Almost immediately, comments went up (by men) about the girl in the photo:

She is pretty. Other fools are fools haters are haters

So wait, let me ask you.  How do you know she’s pretty?  Can you see her face?  Eyes?  Cheeks?  Oh, you see THOSE cheeks, and think they’re pretty.  I get it now.

Someone needs to tell this woman that she is beautiful,the people who write/edit for Cosmo & these other magazines should be dragged into the streets & shot. These ridiculous standards are killing people.

That’s funny, ridiculous standards are killing people of the “other” size as well.  Do you only care about the size that YOU find attractive?

I was thinking about another meme that I’d seen posted recently that also involved men judging the bodies of women.

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This meme is from a Facebook group called TopModelingAgent, but that will be the subject of a future blog, so back to the matter at hand.  Has anyone, regardless of gender, ever figured out how & why men get to be so judgmental about women’s bodies, but that the converse isn’t really true?  I mean, some women enjoy a muscular guy with a six, and will give him cat calls while he’s dancing, but most of the women I know are capable of loving that goes far beyond just physical appearance.  Why can’t men do the same?  Why is it important that men limit their decisions about women to almost 100% of their physical attributes, and little else?

Please don’t give me the old Venus/Mars argument here.  What it’s really about is being respectful, and most men aren’t.  Some will go as far as to say that women “LIKE” to be disrespected, and looking at some of the very dysfunctional relationships that I have seen over the years, there may be a hint of truth to that.  The point however is that all people deserve respect and understanding regardless of gender based on who they are, not on how they look.

I work for size acceptance.  It doesn’t stop with one size.  No one should be made to feel inferior to others because of how they look.  I’m fortunate inasmuch as many of the size acceptance bloggers and activists are also feminist, and I’ve come to know how they feel.  My comments are far from “white knighting”, as I understand that the last thing they need from me is to come to their defense, since they’re all more than capable of taking care of themselves.

Let’s go back to the first pic, and the comments that were made by the men.  They are generally positive comments, at least about the girl in the pic.  Here’s the thing, and it’s my Christmas gift to those who read my blog.

I tend to avoid saying things like “nice” or “she’s pretty” or “wow, HOT” simply because that is still judging. The reason for the pic is based on her needing feminism because men judge her appearance. Please keep in mind that even positive comments giving your approval can be viewed as being judgmental in nature. Those comments should be saved for those you know and/or love, and who appreciate it for what it means to THEM, not to a stranger that you somehow think needs your validation.

Trust me, save the positive comments for the woman YOU love, rather than sharing the “love” with strangers who don’t want to be judged to begin with, and your relationships will likely be more rewarding.  It works for me in real life.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

 

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2 thoughts on “Men, Judging…….And Advice. A Christmas Gift.

    1. Thanks so much. I’m trying really hard to stay away from the disdain that I have for the insanity that goes on in the social part of the fat community that I’d been so involved with in the past, and focus more on how I can affect newer people coming into the community. I hope this is representative of my writings for 2013.
      Happy New Year!

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