I don’t know if there’s such a thing as male feminists. I’d like to say that I am one, though my approach to the world is more global, and not gender or sexually oriented. We’re all humans, and hopefully others will be affected by our words and actions generations after we’re gone. That is our potential for legacy, what most of us should strive for.
I’m a member on several feminist boards. I don’t typically participate on them, because I’d prefer to read and learn, since during my time in college, little emphasis was put on women’s issues as an academic study. Let’s just say that as a man, I at least have an understanding of the basic concepts of feminism.
That brings me to today’s blog. As you know, the focus of my blogs is typically on size acceptance. Today, it’s a little different. The only connection to fat/size acceptance is that the post that I’m about to quote was written in a BBW forum that I also participate in.
The boobs that I’m referring to in the title of my blog are men, people from my own gender.
From the post that I’m referring to:
Let me start off by saying my penis is a regular penis. My penis is that kinda penis that would live in a middle class suburb, have a regular job, pays bills and taxes, watches ESPN and goes to the local fish market every 2 Thursdays at 7.30pm. Pretty much my penis does EXACTLY what it is supposed to do.
I am sick and tired of having to deal with the complexity of saying hi or messaging a certain type of women here. My brain wants to really say hi because i like your playlist and your ”About Me” was hilarious. My penis wants me to run through your pics and like the one with the over the top cleavage and the stupid facial expression you have. So now im confused. Generally my penis tends to be more persuasive than my brain so guess what bitch, you just made me talk to you for the wrong fucking reasons and now we will never settle the debate about whether Djuran Djuran is really as good as David Bowie.
Im over being lured into being interested. The same girls that complain about creeps are the same ones who be sucking on a carrot and have their tits out, all oiled up in the display picture. Ok ok, maybe im being a bit too dramatic but thats pretty much how it is, cover up and talk to me without both of us wondering why we are talking. Too much of this just desensitizes us and then guys talk to you like the piece of meat you look like and no one is going to believe you say im not that type of girl. BE YOURSELF, and if you truly are a whore, then get this…WE NOT ALL TRYNA FUCK YOU.
A couple of points to be made here.
1. Most of them ARE TRYNA FUCK YOU. I written several blogs that discuss the fact that men act like Pavlov’s dogs, and that the chance that even ONE woman would throw a guy a shot would give him enough hope to be turned down and called names countless times. Let’s just say that most men think with the wrong head (the guy who posted this included).
2. Because of all the guys who are TRYNA FUCK YOU, there’s a cynical attitude towards men in general, so that the men who aren’t like the guy who posted are automatically treated with a similar contempt, as if there’s a certainty that the other shoe will drop. I think it’s a shame that relations between men & women have come down to this, thanks to these guys.
3. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this guy saying that if his penis wins the war, that it’s the women’s fault for posting provocative pics in a forum or Facebook page? So, a woman isn’t allowed to be sexy without having to pay the male consequence? So, if a guy sees a pic and thinks she looks like a slut, so she must be a slut?
Isn’t that the kind of thinking that contributed to the need for feminism? Isn’t this objectification at its worst? And to put her at fault?
I have a friend named Substantia Jones, who is the webmaster of a wonderful website called The Adipositivity Project. Here’s part of the mission statement of the project:
“The Adipositivity Project aims to promote size acceptance, not by listing the merits of big people, or detailing examples of excellence (these things are easily seen all around us), but rather, through a visual display of fat physicality. The sort that’s normally unseen.
The hope is to widen definitions of physical beauty. Literally.“
Noble mission. Despite the valiant efforts of my friend, and her models, I have to say that I’m embarrassed for my gender to know that the pics from her website have shown up on countless troll boards where men download and collect these pics (along with party pics from BBW events and size acceptance meet ups) to masturbate to them. It’s a subculture in itself, where guys look at fat silhouettes, or partial body shots, and venture guesses as to the identity of the model in question. Oh, you want to know what *I* was doing looking at the pics, right?
Back when I was married, I was very protective of my wife, who was a web model. Since her income from her paysite was dependent on men paying money to see her pics (hmmmmmmm……….the woman seems to be in control in that transaction, doesn’t she?), I worked tirelessly to protect her media content. The best way to do that was to go undercover, so I developed another persona, and got “involved” in this little subculture with these knuckle draggers, who were more than happy to e-mail or message you when they stole pictures and/or videos. Once I had the info/links, I would file a DCMA report with the website (a formal complaint of copyright violation, and a demand to remove said material). Even though I’m no longer active in those forums, the messages still pour in. Unfortunately, men sexualize the most innocent of pictures, and pics from the old New Jersey Bash, or NAAFA meetings, or even the pics from Adipositivity aren’t safe.
In one of my earlier blogs, I related my experience at my first BBW event, a dance in Mt. Laurel NJ back in 1996. From the minute I walked in, I was treated like a piece of meat. I thought women were ready to urinate on my so their scent would scare off the next female who came near me who tried to claim the new guy as their own. I didn’t even stay an hour. I was sexualized, and disliked it. At that point, I began to understand what many women go through.
I like feeling sexy, as I’m sure most women do as well. We dress up to feel sexy at times, and hope that someone of the opposite sex feels that way. Along with that however, I think we’re responsible for our actions. What we do when we see someone in real life, we should do when we’re on the internet as well. Most people can’t, though, because they feel “safe” in saying things on the internet that they wouldn’t say to someone if the same person was standing in front of them (since they would likely be the recipient of a kick to the crotch).
I’m sure that I’m going to be accused of white knighting for women, but I typically don’t do that since they’re very capable of taking care of things themselves. I just thought it would sound a little different to you guys to hear a guy call you a douchenozzle for a change.
While the focus of the blog may seem more about morality, it’s really about respect for other people. The guy who made the original post acted like he was “trying” to give women advice. Well, I have some advice for him and other men who feel the same way he does, courtesy of my friend Susan, who put it so succinctly:
Put Your Fucking Tiny Penis Away