Community? WHAT Community??

Most of you who read my blogs know that I don’t typically use a lot of tags to call attention to my blogs.  What I’ve done over time is place them where I think they might have the most impact.  Facebook of course, as many of my friends from the size acceptance community share my Facebook page.  I also post my blogs in several forums that discuss BBWs and FAs (still terms that I have difficulty with, but will use for blog purposes here).

One of my more recent blogs was about the bullying of TV anchor Jennifer Livingston (which you can read here).  As I made the rounds of posting, I always check back to see if someone wants to engage in dialogue.  In one of the forums over the weekend, this particular blog post got some negative feedback from two young women, one of which just felt she was tired of hearing about the story.  What was encouraging to me was that others didn’t share her opinion, and made it known.

The other response however was a bit more slanted, claiming that no fat shaming or bullying was involved, and “as professional as she tried to be, she (Ms. Livingston) still just reeked of bitch while she was speaking (in her response to the bully).”

I find comments like that offensive, and as someone who works hard for size acceptance, I felt the need to respond to the post.

“The fat community seems to be made up of two groups.  The first, understands that fat shame is one of the most recent prejudices and works hard towards fat/size acceptance.  They share thoughts and ideas, and support each other in an cooperative effort towards a common goal.
The second is just there for the ride, to ride the BBW/FA phenomenon, and nothing else.  Most of their time is spent trolling for the other sex, both on the internet and at BBW/FA events, but they delude themselves into thinking that this actually does something positive for size acceptance.

I don’t see how some people who are fat can’t connect the dots and determine when someone engages in fat shaming and bullying.  Are they deluding themselves in an effort to spare their egos?  I’m not sure, but I was amazed to see the response from this woman who refused to even acknowledge that she’s part of a fat community.

Her words………

Fat community? That’s the BS I’m tired of. My size doesn’t make me part of some lame ass group of people called a community. That does nothing but separate us more. We are people, our size doesn’t make us part of a group.
We all have different cultures and feelings towards our weight. It is foolish to group us together and call us a fat “community”.
You’re not a fat person, and you think you know more about fat people than you do. Do you honestly think all of us are looking for “acceptance” or even that we believe that we are not accepted?
Personally, I couldn’t care less if models were more often heavyset, or if T.V. stars were more heavyset. As if what this woman did will truly make any sort of difference. I have seen your posts, and though nobody says anything to you for some reason, but just rides along with you as if you’re some type of expert, I’m absolutely sure you’ve offended lots and lots of people without even realizing it.
You are NOT doing us any favors by posting what you do and acting the way you do, but of course you don’t realize that. We can stand up for ourselves, and we sure as hell don’t need someone who is not even part of our “community” going around preaching “fat acceptance”. Lots of people make fun of flat chested girls, and skinny men with no muscles, and “nice guys”.
There are lots of “causes” that need to be stood up for, do us a favor and pick another one to support PLEASE.

Guess what?

It may be bullshit to you, but a fat community exists.   Maybe you just don’t want to be part of it.

One of the many definitions if “community”, as defined by Mirriam-Webster Dictionary:
“a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society

Fat is a common characteristic, and it puts you in a community, whether you want to be part of that community or not.  It’s not always you who puts yourself in with other groups, it can be people outside of that community who view you as part of it.

I’m thrilled that you’re independent and strong and don’t need to be part of anything, good for you.  I guess however, that you think everyone in the world is like you, and quite frankly, they’re not.

You may also be unaware of the fact that many people are looking for size acceptance.  Case in point, the “This Is My Body Project” on Facebook, who has attracted thousands of subscribers since it was started.  One only needs to see several posts there to determine the value that the group has.  That group works diligently to help and offers support people of all genders, sizes and shapes.  If you ain’t interested, that’s fine, but there are a lot of people who value size acceptance, and that’s the part of the community that I work within.

I’m not fat so I have no right to speak out?  Did you know that I used to be fat?  I have worked hard in my life to achieve health, and have lost some weight as a result, though that was never the goal.  One of the things that I learned however, is that many people move towards health and never lose weight.  Yet, those same people are treated like second class citizens, simply because they don’t fit what most people consider the norm.  THAT is who I work for.

Let’s assume though that I never was fat.  So I’m not allowed to have an opinion, or work for something that I believe in?  That might be the most ridiculous comment in your post.  It’s like saying that a doctor can’t cure cancer because he’s never had it.

You criticize and use the words “we” and “us”.  That represents a community as well.  Funny though, I don’t see other “we’s” coming over to my blogs and telling me to shut it down here.  In fact, the opposite is true.  I get lots of supportive messages from people in the forum who appreciate what I write.  I guess you just aren’t friends with any of them.  That’s a shame, because they’re really good people.  You claim people read my blogs and just go along with them for “some reason” rather than call me out because they don’t like what I say?  Maybe you can rally them all together to tell me to stop posting here, but I think most of them go along because there’s some truth in the things I write, regardless of whether I sprinkle sugar on it and put a nice bow on top

My girlfriend recently lost a job because of her weight.  Has that ever happened to you?  I hope not, but I know scads of people that’s happened to over the years, and it isn’t right.  It’s discrimination.  Have you been told that you have to pay for an extra seat to fly because you take up too much space?  Have you ever been lectured by a doctor that your weight will kill you for being obese?  Oh, that’s right…….you don’t care about any of that.  That’s okay, because I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, and when size acceptance becomes more accepted by the rest of the world, you’ll get to go along for the ride, and when you finally grow up, you might actually thank me and the many others who work so hard for it, though I doubt it.

I think your comments show what’s important to you.  Like I said, that’s your perrogative, but writing my blogs and putting them here is mine.  I’ve supported many forums over the years by participating in them (and supporting them financially).  I’ve also supported many size related endeavors and projects by working on them, promoting them, and supporting them financially.  Can you say the same, or don’t you care about anyone but yourself?  By the way, forums like the one you post in make up their own “community”.  Just thought you might want to know.

Just like Jennifer Livingston  said, if you don’t like her, just change the channel.  SO, if you don’t like my blogs, then don’t read them.


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