“I’ve said it before, and I will say it over and over again. The people in the part of the fat community that I used to socialize in have the greatest percentage of cheaters, liars, and dishonorable people who would fuck their mothers over for a dime. If you’re from that community, and still one of my Facebook friends, that means I never viewed you as being that way, so please do not take this generalization and own it, since I don’t mean you
Even removed from the events I ran for the time that I did, I still hear far too much gossip about things that happen even now that reinforce how I feel.
Don’t look at it as sour grapes, because I put myself in a better place emotionally over the past couple of years, and removing myself from that boiling lobster pot that I was in was the first step in doing so. I’m not bitter, I’m thrilled, away from the takers and those who EXPECT things from you because of their false sense of entitlement.
Someday, you’ll all know I was right.” ~ Phil Varlese
Oh, you want proof, don’t you? While it would be easy for me to just tell you to live it, sometimes it’s just easier to give you a concrete example, so you don’t have to go through the insanity that I chose to put myself into over the years. During the time that I was in that vortex, I wouldn’t allow myself to say anything negative about the fat community, for two reasons……first, that fat people get critiqued enough in this world and don’t need someone on the inside pointing a finger at them……and second, for fear that I would be reviled by the people that were in that part of the community that I participated in.
What I came to learn is that having someone on the inside holding up the insanity mirror is always better when it comes from the inside, and over time I found out that my worries about who liked or disliked me was inconsequential, especially in light of my walking away from the events that my partner and I ran for four years. Today, nearly 2 years removed from my last NJ BBW Bash, I could care less if the sheep are angry with me because I piss on their parade.
The issue that I’ve had the entire time is that the good people here are often treated poorly, and all they did was to come to this community for acceptance. It’s that dichotomy that has turned my stomach, and while for years I went along with the program, for fear of becoming an outcast, I’m so sickened by what has gone on (and continues) in THIS part of the fat community that I MADE THE DECISION to remove myself from that boiling lobster pot. The funny thing is, my sense of perspective has returned, which allows me to view things without having to worry what the rest think of me.
That dichotomy includes……calling a woman who blogs about her previous marriage to a man who has threatened to kill her (which she has papers to prove, and published them) a lunatic who is only writing this to seek attention, yet countless heat seeking missiles looking for their 15 minutes of fame go on TV “in the name of size acceptance” and end up doing more harm than good because their ideas concerning size acceptance have no substance, and they allow these TV shows to manipulate the content, making them (and size acceptance) look more foolish, and more like a fetish than a rights movement. Yet many of you don’t see them as lunatics.
Wake the fuck up, people. They ARE lunatics.
A couple of months ago, another blogger referred to me as “The Nowhere Man”, sitting back from the comfort of his keyboard, spewing untruths. I actually like that name, if it’s in relationship to that part of the fat community. He also accused me of single-handedly being responsible for the poor attendance at the last New Jersey BBW Bash. Judging by how many people from my days there have defriended me on Facebook since I began to blog, I seriously doubt that the thousand or so readers I get a week are people who were going to begin with. I wish I had that power, but the fact that the event continued in a hotel that was far past its prime, coupled with another group running monthly BBW dances in the same hotel, and a poor economy was in fact why the attendance was down. But hey, if you want to empower me, I’m down. Hell, even the clown who took my spot in running the bash was smart enough to seek out another location (which was the site of the original event that my Bash partner and I did back in 2007). Yet another example of lunacy, as this guy had written a book “exposing” the fat community, and was attempting to use his TV appearances and re adding people from the fat community on Facebook to help sell his book.
But he wanted everyone to think that I was the lunatic.
Know what else is lunacy? People who show up at these events courtesy of the funds put out by other people, people who think that the other person will be appreciative (*wink), and show their appreciation. Then, once at the event, either ignore that person for the entire weekend, and then work other “vicitms” for money. And you know what happens? The victim who complains is made out to be wrong, while the thief (perhaps because they’re good looking, or liked by many) gets to continue their game without someone calling them out. People used to tell me that the people who “voluntarily” handed over their money were the people with the problem, because THEY were wrong for seeking something in return. I never bought into that, just kept my mouth shut as I watched in horror with every instance of this.
My latest foray in exposing the dark side deals with an old friend, who passed away earlier this year. We weren’t best friends, and when I left all social media a couple of years ago to do some soul searching, dropped her from my friends lists, as I was trying to avoid the challenges of addressing innuendo and rumors. When I came back to social media and began to blog again, I simply forgot to add her back. At any rate, she passed in June of this year, and Lissa and I were both there for her services. I thought enough of her to set up a memorial page for her online.
Interestingly enough, some of those closest to her never posted on her memorial page, or even acknowledged it, but that’s not why I set it up. I did it for her, so that others could see that her life wasn’t wasted, that she had friends who cared for and loved her, and wanted to show it. What it does, however is reflect the “character” of those involved.
So, as with anyone who passes on, there are issues with taking care of financials, and wrapping up her estate. It’s my understanding (since I haven’t spoken with those closest to her) that there were some outstanding bills. When these things happen, there are parts of the fat community who rally to help out in any way that they can. It always seems to be the same people. Perhaps they’re the only ones in the position to do so, or it could be because they are the only ones who truly care for others. Regardless, had we been asked for help in settling the outstanding estate costs, I’m pretty sure the same people would have stepped out to do so
Somehow (and I know the details, but won’t be specific) my friend’s clothing ended up in the hands of someone else. No biggie.
Well, it was a biggie, since this person went to an online clothing sale group, and attempted to pass these items off as her own. Several people noticed all the similarities in what she was selling, and what our deceased friend wore, and began to talk among themselves.
People wear clothes that belonged to the deceased all the time. I have several NY Yankees shirts that belonged to my father in law, who passed away several years ago. I can’t bear to get rid of them, and when I wear them, I recall some great memories. I think the issue was that this person was trying to perpetrate a hoax. My feeling is that not everyone feels comfortable wearing a dead person’s clothes, and should be told in advance. It’s of particular importance in the fat community, since it seems like most people know most people. They should have the option to buy something based on correct and honest info.Last night my girlfriend Lissa couldn’t take any more. After watching item after item get sold, and comparing them to pics of our friend, she decided to ask the seller if the items belonged to our friend, which was immediately denied by the seller. Several others then posted that they too were aware of the items belonging to our friend. There’s a rule in this selling group that those selling can’t PROFIT from these items. In other words, they can get the value of what they paid or less, but they couldn’t sell for more than what they paid for.
something. In this case NOTHING was paid. The only way the seller could have profited was to be honest, and say that these items were from a deceased person, and that she was given the clothes to sell. I don’t know where the revenues would have gone, and while I have an idea, I’d prefer not to elaborate in this blog.
Needless to say, once this information was brought to the attention to the person running the group, and seeing it was a clear violation of the group rules, the seller was removed, as were any items that were listed by this person.
And as always, drama can’t ever go away quietly as a friend of the seller’s posted some very anti fat comments about the group, and those who exposed the hoax before they left the group in a huff. Maybe it’s me, but am I the only one to notice that there is fat prejudice that goes on between smaller fat women and larger
“Yeah well you fatties are fatter than I am……………………………………………………..FATTIES!!!”
Now, while it might be admirable to head into a Facebook group like that to spew your venom in defense of your lil’ friend, the fact of the matter is that she blatantly lied about where the items she was selling came from. And you look stupid defending that. Had she been honest right from the start, my guess is maybe a few people might have felt slighted, since they were promised some of the items that ended up for sale, but I don’t think anyone would have caused a real fuss. This is the point, though. If these clothes were sold to raise money to pay some of the estate bills, it would have been so much easier to reach out to those who can and would be willing to support her memory, and donate money to cover those obligations. A couple of years ago, we raised over $5000 in a similar manner for someone who needed help. I’ve personally donated to many in need, whether it was supporting the Dimensions website (when it was worth supporting), or some of the various film projects and documentaries that were fat/size positive, and just those who were in a bind financially.
Then, those clothes could have been donated to women’s shelters (yes, there are fat women at the shelters), or at the very least those who were promised some of the clothing could have gotten them, and relived some memories. Unfortunately, that won’t happen, because there are some people in the fat community who just can’t keep their word, or have to lie so they can realize some sort of gain. And more unfortunate, it’s going to continue to happen because people become afraid about how things will turn out and not say anything, or wait until someone like me (or Lissa) speak up.
“If we had any nerve at all, if we had any real balls as a society, or whatever you need, whatever quality you need, real character, we would make an effort to really address the wrongs in this society, righteously.” ~ Jerry Garcia
So here I am again, blogging the blog, “The Nowhere Man” as the other blogger likes to refer to me as, speaking out against wrong both outside (via size acceptance blogs and involvment in SA) and inside (exposing insanity one blog at a time) the fat community. I’m not hiding, I’m right here in Westampton, NJ living my life with those important to me. You ought to try it some time, might do a few of you a world of good.