Over the past few years that I’ve been blogging, many people from the fat community have taken me to task for pointing out certain behaviors in the community that I feel are offensive, or could hurt size acceptance in some way. The comment is always made that “well, what you’re talking about happens in the rest of the world too, so why are you picking on the community, who gets maligned enough?”
While that may in fact be true, it seems to me that the frequency of douchebaggery in our world is far greater, especially among the men. I can’t tell you how many women I speak to both online, and in the various forums on Facebook and the rest of the net that I participate in tell me in great detail about how creepy most of the “men” in the community can be.
Here’s where I see the crux of the problem: most guys are still in the closet about their attraction. Most people who engage in fetishes are in the closet about their fetish. Hence, most guys feel being attracted to a endomorphic body style is a fetish, and treat it as such.
To me, being attracted to a soft body style is simply an attraction, like being more attracted to someone with blonde hair, or being attracted to a particular race. Could you imagine some loser walking up to a girl with red hair going on and on about how he wants to have sex with her SOLELY because of red hair? Or telling her she needs to dye her hair a deeper shade of red just for him? That is essentially what guys in the fat community do. Let’s be honest, when I met my first fat girlfriend (like 100 years ago), I said to myself “Hot girl……let’s find out more about her”.
When I was a kid, my parents impressed the importance of compatibility in relationships. My dad used to tell me (as a teen) that even the best sex only lasts a few hours, and that if you were involved with someone, you’d better be compatible with them, otherwise the other hours you spent with them could be hell……..
Part of what contributes to this is the devaluation of actual relationships for the sake of casual sex, and that combined with the fetish aspect that most of the boys see this as, is a dangerous predicament for most fat women to be in, assuming they are participating in the social parts of the fat community.
Add to that the BBW porn that is all over the internet that glorifies the fetish part (because it’s what makes money for them), and you have where we are today.
I think the only way we can move away from this is to have more guys like me talk openly about our preference, and draw out more guys. Once the stigma of being attracted to that body type becomes no more significant than being attracted to pretty eyes or the like, I think most of the creepiness may end up going away.
The sad thing is, when I was running the New Jersey BBW Bash with my partner, I tried to hold seminars to discuss being into fat girls (and how to act), and the guys who were interested in the seminars weren’t the guys who needed to be there. The slugs were busy trying to sex up the girls walking around the hotel. And scoring, I might add, from women who consistently helped these guys hold on to their “theory” that all fat girls are desperate for sex. (and some of you chide ME for making generalizations….shame on you.)
Even the term “Fat Admirer” is something that I abhor. It’s outgrown its usefulness these days, and again supports the fetish part of the attraction to the softer body type. This has been discussed by writers far more eloquent than I am, but I will just say that if someone throws a couple pounds of fat on the table in front of me, I’m not going to get hard, Cialis or not.
Get out of the closet, boys. I’ve been blessed by having some very exceptional and beautiful women in my life, and I didn’t find one of them in said closet.