Time To Play “The Game”

I’ve been working really hard on making the focus of my blogs reflect more of a positive tone, especially with regard to size acceptance. So, before I get into the subject of my writing today, let me talk with you all about something positive.

My friend Julia is very active in the fat acceptance community, and this may be one of the more productive endeavors ever taken in the name of educating against weight bigotry. I am SO behind this campaign, and hope you can be too. I just donated, and though the dollar amount for matching funding has been raised, the numbers of people who support it has not, so every person who donates just 5 dollars will count towards the people total for income matching.

Here is an example of the STANDards project she’s referring to, that send an upbeat message speaking out against weight bigotry.

Here’s Julia’s post:

I’m so excited to be part of our community right now. We have an opportunity to get our voices heard and to push back against a seemingly unstoppable social stigma that gets ample time to be heard in the mainstream media and the public arena. How many times have we complained about how nobody speaks for plus sized people? How many times have we felt like we had to just take it, that we had no power?

Now we have an chance to band together, grassroots style, and loudly announce that fat shame helps nobody’s health, and we’re tired of being treated like less-than because our weight may be more than. If you’ve ever wanted to be part of something that allows us to empower our community and to take pride in the lives we live, then please consider supporting the Billboard Campaign against the horrible Strong4Life thing in Atlanta.

if you think the STANDards that are being created are a great way to speak back against hate, then consider donating to a billboard campaign that will highlight a different, positive approach to health for kids and adults of all sizes. For $10,000, a billboard can be placed in Atlanta, in a high-traffic area, spreading a more inclusive image of healthy bodies, minds, and souls.

Donations of any size are welcome, and if this campaign raises $5,000 from at least 1,000 individuals, then More of me to Love will donate an additional $5,000. Information can be found in the link below:
http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/the-billboard-project/

I hope you will consider donating to this cause. We finally have something grassroots, created by us, for us, so we can have a say in how we are represented in the world, and hopefully we’ll garner media attention that can spread this message far outside the Atlanta area.

Now, my rant.

I’ve been involved in a forum that discusses issues fat. It’s a very diverse group with a wide range of ages, incomes, and political views. Part of our discussion over the past few weeks is about a guy who frequents some fat girl pay sites, and “gifts” heavy weight scales to the girls that he “likes”. The guy has claimed he has Asperger Syndrome, and is on public assistance for the most part, yet manages to save up his money and send scales off to the ladies, with the request of giving him the “numbers” when they weigh themselves. I’m wavering between whether the guy may be a savant who is obsessed with numbers (ala Rain Man), or is just obsessed with the fatness of the women he sends the scales to.

Now, I take issue with not only the people who send scales, but to those who accept them. Seems obvious to me that when someone is making the kind of investment in one of those scales, they are looking for something in return (even if what it is remains undetermined).

Let’s just say the giving of the scale was to coerce the model into giving that special guy “the weekly numbers” so he can splooge when he reads it. That seems pretty fucked up to me.

So, when you accept this gift from this well intentioned guy, when you know he’s looking for a return on investment, and either don’t tell him he’s not going to get one, or at the very least ask him what he’s looking for in return, so you can turn it down at the front end, so he can have the option of splooging somewhere else, seems misleading to me. Am I alone in thinking this? I realize no one puts a gun to the guy’s head for a scale, but it’s not like you’re buying a girl a drink at a bar.

Somehow the focus went back to what is implied when a simple drink is purchased for a woman at a bar. My feeling is that the world is full of guys who think that the act of buying a woman a drink is license to bed them, so when someone spends a significant amount of money to buy a heavy weight scale, he has certain expectations, and while I’m not saying those expectations are justified, I am saying that they exist.

I was jumped on for many people for making that comment, as it now puts some sort of accountability on the person who accepts the gift, knowing there may be those expectations. I couldn’t believe how many people were insulted by my comment.

Then I realized, most of them were takers who were into “The Game”.

What is The Game, you ask? Well first, let me make a distinction between givers. It’s important to understand the difference between someone who gives freely from their heart, and are happy simply knowing that the person they gifted to likes their gift. Then there’s the person I described above, the person who gives a gift with an ulterior motive, whether it’s sex (and it usually is in some way, shape or form) or affection, or whatever the case may be.

“Knowing all the facts should be on the part of the GIVER. it’s your money, protect it.”

Bullshit. See, The Game is based on a different playing field. Let’s use the BBW paysite model as an example. Here is a small sample of her “wish list” in case any admirer wants to show his “affection” for her:

Thank you for visiting my wishlist! I’m excited that you thought to send me something special. I’ve compiled a wishlist for you to see all the yummy and sexy items I’d love to have.

1. Apple iPhone 4S 16GB – AT&T – Black by Apple $546.98
2. French Cheeses for the Connoisseur Assortment (2 pound) $139.98
3. Flirty Aprons Women’s Original Apron, Aqua Damask $24.95
4. Elomi Cassandra Side Support Underwire Bra, 46D, Caramel $66.00
5. IHOP Gift Card $50.00
6. Sterling Silver Marcasite and Garnet Colored Glass Heart Pendant, 18″ $54.99
7. Xbox 360 4GB Console with Kinect $277.31

It goes on and on, but it gives you an idea of what is expected.

Buy me something just because I’m fat.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but anything of worth in my life is there because I’ve earned it, not because of a sense of entitlement just because I act or look a certain way. That sense of entitlement was the subject of another blog that I wrote some time ago called “Where’s Mine?”, but many women in the fat community have embraced it, and why not, if it gets them the things they want?

That may be fine for them, but let’s call a spade a spade……..

I’ve related this story before, but a few years ago a well known webmodel was playing up to a guy on the internet prior to one of my BBW events here in NJ. She got him so excited that he had the entire weekend “planned” in his mind. Problem was, while she wanted what he had to offer, she wasn’t really into the guy, just was into what he could give her. So the guy shows up the weekend of the event, bottle of Cristal in one hand, bottle of Juicy Couture in another, and a bunch of stuff inbetween. The gifts were accepted graciously, but things began to sour when the dude felt like he wasn’t getting the attention he “deserved”. Of course I got the call that the guy was a creep that had to be dealt with, and after some conversation with both of them, the expectations were lowered. Of course she got to keep the gifts……….

I don’t want anyone to think I only have issue with the women here. The guys who “gift” have ulterior motives, which if not discussed with the recipient in advance, shouldn’t have expectations.

Interesting sidenote. I used to handle all the correspondence sent to my ex who was a paysite model. She never had an Amazon Wish List, but guys would always offer to buy her shit. When I (as her) would thank them but tell them (as her) that while I appreciated the offer, I would accept gifts only with the understanding that they were a token of appreciation for my pics and videos. Funny, nothing ever showed up at our door.

A former friend from the community (and I repeat it because it’s so very true) called it “size prostitution” because of the exchange involved.

Let’s be honest, and at the very least allow it to be what it really is.

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