If you’re part of the community, close your eyes and think of how many couples you know from the community that have been together for more than five years.
I dare you…….
Pretty tough to come up with more than just a handful, isn’t it? I know, some of you will say that it’s tough to find couples that have been together that long in today’s world, and you’re right. I think however, that there are some things to consider about contemporary BBW/FA relationships that may cause this to happen a bit more in our community.
I’ve written about this before, but FAs become that because of a physical attraction. When a guy realizes that he finds a fat body more attractive than an average or thin body, just like I did, I looked it up on the internet. Granted, the first time I did that was back in the old AOL days, but I don’t think that the exploration of the attraction has changed much.
Also, as I’ve discussed in previous blogs, the first thing guys find when they type in BBW, or fat women on Google is porn. It was for me, as there was little discussion about why that attraction exists, but lots of sites where gorgeous fat women showed their wares. I had to search out sites that actually helped me realize that I wasn’t the only guy in the world attracted to fat women. Back in the day, FAs actually talked in depth with each other, and it wasn’t banter about who was the fattest, or anything like that. It was valuable discussion about issues related to the attraction. I made some good male friends from my early discussion days, with guys who none of you would know unless you were a veteran of forums and chat rooms.
So, what happened to all of them?
Pretty simple really. They found someone, and stopped being active in forums and chat rooms. I have long maintained that the successful relationships that exist between BBWs and FAs are the ones where they no longer participate in the community.
Many of you know the game. I call it the “insurance game”. It’s the game where you continue to keep yourself “out there” in view of the community even though you are in a relationship. Why? From my point of view, you’re buying insurance that just in case the relationship you’re in doesn’t work out, you’ve already laid out the groundwork for the next relationship, whether it’s online, or at a bash or dance. It’s the little innocent (or not so innocent) flirt, or a “compliment” on someone’s pic, or any action that lets that other person outside your relationship know that you might just be available under the “right circumstances”.
So, what are the right circumstances?
Part of what’s different between the fat community & the rest of the world is that we’re a smaller (no pun intended) community and more geographically diverse. How many people from the community do you know who have traveled hundreds, and sometimes thousands of miles to meet someone? Often we meet people in forums and chat rooms that bring our kind together, places like Dimensions, or Fantasy Feeder, or Curvage, or BBW Chat Zone, or the many venues that encourage us to “talk” with each other. So, while there are fewer of us in numbers, we “browse” these places, almost like shopping online, except instead of shopping for shoes or a smart phone, you’re looking for sex, and/or a relationship. The challenge is, just like buying online, you don’t always end up with what you think you are going to get. Now, close your eyes again, and think about how many people you know who traveled a great distance to meet someone, only to find that they were disappointed in how they looked, or that they didn’t mesh well, or that the other person wasn’t honest about their intentions before they met. I know a lot of them, and I’ll bet you do, too.
Again, I want to be honest, and I have to say that men are more guilty of this “browsing” thing than women are. Additionally, I think that so many men have benchmarked what they want in a fat women, and it’s shaped primarily by BBW webmodels. Back in the day, guys would show up at a dance or bash, and walk past all the other gorgeous fat women just to take a chance that they paysite girl that they so adored might give them a toss. I wrote about this way back in 2007, and not a whole lot has changed since then. It’s gotten to a point where one of the girls at the last bash I ran in October 2010 said to me, “what’s a girl got to do to get a guy’s attention here?”
By Saturday night, she’d figured it out.
Those of you reading this who know me in real life know that I haven’t been active at many dances or events in well over a year. I’m in a relationship, and there’s an unwritten agreement that we don’t need “insurance”. While I miss hanging out with some of my friends, they can see me independent of BBW dances or events. Honestly, I just don’t need all of the sexual politics that go on, whether those politics involve me or not.
Again, I have to emphasize that none of this has a damn thing to do with 2 people who want to just get together for sex, but only involves relationships.
Recently, my ex received a message from a guy in the community who approached her WHILE she was involved with me, asking if he could hook up with her (the guy is supposedly in an open relationship). Well, he re approached her, not knowing whether we were still together or not, asking if my panties were still in a bunch over what happened some time ago, and whether they might still be able to get together.
THAT, my friends, is the mentality that I feel is pervasive in the BBW/FA community, the fact that there is little respect for existing relationships, and combined with the ability to “browse” for sex or relationships and treating people as insurance, makes long term relationships difficult, but not impossible.
You just have to crawl out of the lobster pot to be able to do it.
Have a wonderful New Year, everyone.