Fraud, misandry & the 4 day “relationship”

Definition of MISANDRY: a hatred of men (Mirriam Webster Dictionary)

Many of you who know me know that I used to post in many different forums, mostly in an effort to promote the NJ Bash during my time as a partner. Over the years I became friends with a lot of people in many different places, and still occasionally view and post in those forums, and chat with friends to see how they’re doing.

One of the sites that I still hang in is BBW Chat Zone. They have a live chat option, but I rarely chat these days, so most of my time is spent there posting in their forums, and occasionally sending a message to one of my friends there, both female and male.

I received a message there last week from someone. It seemed innocent enough…………

Hello,

I see that you and I live pretty close. Interested in getting a bite to eat some night, and getting to know each other better? You’re very handsome, and I’ve always had a thing for older men.
K*****

Well, it feels good to get hit on every now and then, so I shot a message back to her, also innocent enough:

Thanks K****. I’m in a relationship, so I don’t think my girlfriend would be happy with that…….lol.

I used to be active in promoting the New Jersey Bash, I was one of the original partners in it. I walked away from it last year.

I usually attend the Ample Beauties Philly dances (my girl and I like to dance a little). Have you ever been to one of their dances? They’re pretty good, actually. Next one is November 12th, and I think I saw you had already posted that on your page.

If you go, make sure you introduce yourself!!!! Thank you again, I feel flattered.

Phil

Well, shame on me for thinking it would end with that…….

Sorry, I wasn’t aware that you had a girlfriend. Does she know that you are active on this site? Is she on here? Sorry if you think that is prying, I just find it odd, I suppose that someone would be on here with no mention of a significant other.

I never attended the New Jersey Bash. I was always told it was a meat market, and I didn’t want to set myself up for failure. I might be attending the Ample Bash. Not so sure yet, as I’ve recently heard some bad things about it as well.

Another question, if you feel flattered that someone else finds you attractive, what does that say for your girlfriend. Maybe everything isn’t all kittens and rainbows? Just an observation….. outside looking in and all.

K****

Well, yeah…..Lissa knows I’m on this site, and a bunch of other sites, and often sits next to me as we discuss things that both of us see on different forums, and the only secrecy between us is when Lis is at Dementians on the SSBBW Board, which is supposed to be private. I respect that, and never ask her to talk about what goes on over there.

So anyway, I added her as a friend, since you couldn’t message her unless you wee friends with her. I sent a response back explaining a bit more to her with the following message:

Hi,

My profile says that I’m in a relationship. I also have a pic of her and I together in my pics on my profile. I don’t think it’s prying at all, I think it’s a more than legitimate question.

I’ve been around the plus sized community for a long time, and have accounts on many different forums, since I used to be responsible for promoting the NJ BBW Bash. I’m fairly well known among BBW’s and the guys who are attracted to them. I’m a member of NAAFA, and donate my time and financial resources to further size acceptance.

I think events like the NJ Bash and Club Ample are what you make of them. There are good and bad people who attend. Sorting them out is half the battle. I go to the events now to see friends, and to dance. I like the social aspect of the community. Same is true of my participation in forums like the Chat Zone.

Flattery is flattery, and while I’m truly happy in my relationship with Lissa, I can still enjoy a compliment. By the way, there’s no failure in making friends if you attend a BBW dance or event, even if you may be looking for more than that. I’ve made some really close friends, male and female, over the years via these events.

Hope you had a good weekend.
Phil

Thinking this was all done, I went about my day, only to return to another message from my new found “friend”:

So all this having been said, how does your girl feel when you spend time on said forums? You never answered my question if she’s a member here or not either. You also have quite a few photos of yourself with women on your profile, how does one know who she’s up against?

Being around the plus size community is great and all, but if your happy, as you say you are, when do you step away from it all? I’ve been involved in the plus size community on and off for 6 years. I find that when I am in a happy, loving relationship that I don’t need all of the extra validation from outsiders, which the plus size community gives me. During those times I disappear from the madness and delete profiles, because I just don’t need the mess.

I’ve been in a relationship where my SO has refused to let go of community ties, and I found myself questioning everyone he talked to. Wondering if he was interested in more than just the social aspect of them. But then again, I’m the one who’s single not you right?

Since there’s no failure in making friends, why not take me up on my offer to get a bite to eat?

At this point, it’s starting to become mildly annoying.

K****
My girl knows about this site, and I’ve encouraged her to join. She doesn’t care for the plus sized community much these days, but has no problem with me remaining on any of the sites that I previously promoted my events on. The women that are in my pictures on here are mostly the same pics that are on my Facebook page as well. She knows most of the women in the pics herself, and they are people that I have been friends with before she entered my life. That said, if anything was going to happen between me and any of those women, it would have happened by now.

Why to I remain on the forums? Pretty simple really. I have friends that I’ve made over the years (male and female) who I interact with and check in on from time to time. I care about them all, and while I don’t put in as much time in the forums as I used to, I still make it a point to ask how they’re doing when I see them online and about……….

Lissa and I make new friends together, so the idea of simply grabbing a bite with you without her wouldn’t be acceptable for either one of us. I wouldn’t do that to her out of respect, and I know she wouldn’t do it to me either. While there’s no failure in making friends, there is failure in ruining a good relationship.

Lissa is not up against anyone, as I stopped looking once our relationship went from casual to more serious. I have often said that when one has to worry about what the other person is doing, then that relationship was likely never great to begin with. I don’t have a mess to get away from, since I don’t make messes. I treat everyone I know with respect (even those I don’t know like you), simply because you all deserve that. Some people think I’m goofy for being that way, but I like to think my friends appreciate me for having core values that are moral. It’s just me.

Sorry if it’s not the response you expected.

Phil

Again, my friends know that this is not only the way I am, but the way I’ve been my entire life. Mom and Dad didn’t raise me to be a piece of garbage, and I’m not gonna change now. I spoke about the whole thing with Lissa last night before bed, since she isn’t a member of this particular forum. Thinking this would be my last correspondence with someone who has now tried to marginalize me by lumping me into what’s likely a litany of bad men, I get online this morning to find THIS:

Phil,
I don’t expect ANY certain kind of response from anyone, as it always has a way of biting you in the ass. When I ask questions, I do so out of curiosity. Nothing more, and quite certainly nothing less.

You skirt around questions very well. My guess would be that you are in some kind of sales? Always answer a question and make them feel like they were answered, but never answer their question. I’m not your average “young” woman. I read between lines, I make sense out of the senseless. It’s part of my job, and what I do in everyday life.

You said she has no problem with you remaining on community sites, but you didn’t answer how she feels when you spend time on them. Do you spend time on them together, or do you ignore her, and troll about while shes sleeping, or doing other wifely duties? I’m a member on several sites, and I recognize your photo. It does seem to me that you do log on a lot. I know that my ex-husband used to log on while sitting right next to me, made it OK for him somehow. Like I somehow didn’t ever look over and see him talking to countless other broads.

I don’t think you guys ever understand what we as women go through. She may seem like she’s OK with it, but trust me, inside she’s dying. She wonders if you’re telling her the truth, she wonders what your inbox looks like, and who you’re really talking to. She wonders when she goes to bed alone, what girl you’re chatting up, or who you’ve talked to through out the day, until you get home to her.

I know you probably don’t think any of this applies to you, but you really should think about it. Talk to her, and see what she says. I am sure that you’d be surprised to find out what really does bother her. I think that there are things you have no idea about, potential relationship breakers, that she perhaps bites her tongue over, in hopes that she’ll keep you snagged.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me anymore, the number of men, who think they have great relationships. Yet they still hang on to this world. If your relationship was really as great as you say it is. You’d have no need to be here, or on any other plus size networking site. You’d all have perfectly shaped bbw/ssbbw wives, who were perfect for you. You’d all have perfect sex lives, no one would feel the need to cheat, online or otherwise. There would be no flirting online with women who make it their job to flirt shamelessly, and there’d be no fighting over anything.

Then again, you wouldn’t be here talking to me, trying to sell me on the fact that you’re in a happy relationship.

Are you fucking kidding me? I’m trying to sell HER on the fact that I’m in a happy relationship?

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………………………………………….NO.

Perhaps this idiot could ask all of our friends what they think, but that isn’t important. What IS important is my relationship. So, I sent her a final message, and deleted her afterward.

So, about the only thing you said that was correct about me was that I work in sales.

Everything else was either fishing, or total conjecture. Here’s my guess. You say that you see me “all over”. I’m online via my phone, and I hit all kinds of sites all day, these included. You seem very intent on “exposing” me as no different from other men in the BBW/FA community. Take your best shot, I don’t care about other guys, and I sure as hell don’t care what a “stranger” thinks about me. As far as what Lissa thinks, I bring relationships down to their elemental level. You’re happy in one, then you stay in. You’re unhappy? You get out.

It seems obvious that you know me, maybe even someone who’s been involved with me in the past, who thinks that somehow the girl I’m with will get a raw deal. Don’t hold your breath. Did I flirt with you since you first messaged me? I invited you to meet us both in a public venue. You still have yet to address that. Let’s see, no profile pic, recently joined Chat Zone……..you look more like you’re trolling than me.

By the way, I never “claimed” my relationship was great, just said that it went from casual to serious. I was hurt horribly in a couple of relationships, and am still in therapy in an effort to both avoid being hurt again, and so as not to project my hurt on other people. I’m sure that isn’t easy for her to deal with, but I was completely honest with her from Day 1.

My being nice ends when I think that someone is attempting to be manipulative. I think that’s the case here. Game over, this has become boring to me. I’ve spent countless hours in the past trying to prove that I’m not the person that a few have accused me of being, never realizing until recently that I only have to prove that to myself, and the people I love. I’ve now wasted my lunch hour responding, and this will be the last time you hear from me.

By the way, I already told her about you.

Have fun.

This blog isn’t about proving to the world what a good guy I am. I know quite well who and what I am, as does my family, and most of the people I’ve been in relationships and marriages with. It’s more about how crazy some people are in the BBW/FA world. Maybe it’s the same way outside the community, but this is where I live. People are delusional and I believe that she (assuming she doesn’t already know me as she claims) tried to become as familiar with me as possible, which also included making judgments about me that were based on her delusion. Yes, there was a public POST that was made on my page AFTER I deleted her from my friends in this forum, people who truly know me know better than this made up crap about me, and my relationships. She sent me yet another freind request a little while ago (I had already turned a request down earlier today), and attached to it was a nasty note, asking if I was afraid that my girlfriend would be upset when she found out what a fraud I was. Later on, another friend request, with THIS attached:

“So now you’ve blocked me from even contacting you? I suppose I will just chat with the “girl” at the Club Ample event next weekend.”

You want to chat with “the girl” next weekend? Have at it, I think she knows me far better than you, which is why you’re on the outside of the window looking in. I know that I’m not a prize package, but I’m with someone for a reason, and you’re not. I’m with a pretty fantastic girl, and the shortcomings that may be in this relationship are more my own issues that I remain in therapy for, but Lord knows I try, since I want to make her happy.

Now my profile there is private, and I’m happier, knowing that one more manipulative man hater can no longer have the potential to spew her venom my way. Yeah, she still has the forum, and can take her case to the public in an effort to discredit me, but I’ve already beaten her to the punch.

I rest my case.

I hope you enjoyed your four days……..you wouldn’t have liked me anyway.

Blog over, back to trolling for fat women, hitting them all up daily. Rough work, but someone has to do it.

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One thought on “Fraud, misandry & the 4 day “relationship”

  1. 11/6/11

    A quick update to this blog. The girl in question, who remained anonymous until Thursday, finally posted a picture on her profile on the website in question.

    I remember people, and as soon as I saw her picture, I remembered her from a dating site that I set up an account at several years ago after my wife had moved out of our house. She sent me a quick message back then, and I responded to her that my wife had just moved out, and that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, just perhaps some company if I went out to dinner. She then sent me a message saying that she had already been someone’s nursemaid in HER previous relationship, and had moved a great distance to do so, and didn’t need to be anyone else’s nursemaid and that she didn’t want any part of me. I felt shitty after reading her response.

    So why the change of heart, so to speak?

    Maybe she has a short memory, but I don’t. I understood what she was saying, she’d moved to NJ from somewhere else to be with someone, and was hurt in that relationship, and had some reservations about taking a chance with someone who is fresh out of a relationship.

    What I found hurtful was the way she said it.

    So, while you say you don’t know me, I know you, at least well enough to return the favor, and tell you I don’t want any part of someone who culls the internet like a fisherman with a net in an effort to find a new boyfriend. Even if I wasn’t in a relationship now, batshit crazy has never worked for me.

    Now go find someone else to be a nursemaid to.

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