THE NEVER ENDING BATTLE TO “PROVE MYSELF” AS A FA

Please excuse what i’m going to say. I don’t mean it as a personal judgment but something to just think about. but should a fat woman be so dependent on a particular type of person or a particular group of people in order to like her body or “make peace” with the fact that she’ll never be small? Is she settling and if so what is she actually settling for. Does the inability to feel comfortable in her body anywhere with anyone more something to be dealing with from within themselves than something to be dependent on other people for. Is the ability to feel comfortable with ones own body more about the individual person and whats inside them than the security of who they feel they can hang with because they are too afraid to put themselves out there just in case? Should she be worrying about exactly what the opinion of someone else will be when she takes the second serving at all? Knowing that there are lots of men out there who find larger than average women attractive, why so much fear? Shouldn’t the fear be dealt with? Should she make herself emotionally dependent just because of her size?

I have, however, (in my heavier phases) met guys that have claimed to like “all” sizes of women only to be dumped or cheated on by someone smaller.
It’s as if they were dating me temporarily until someone they were really attracted to came along.
I’ve never been dumped or cheated on when I was thin.

I don’t want a fa. There is no attack in that statement. It also is not me saying I don’t want a man who likes my body…which happens to be fat. They are just men. That is the point…well, my point. They like fat women, but nothing more can be attributed to the label ‘ fa ‘. Nothing. Zip. The reason I don’t want one is that most I have seen hide parts of them behind that label. No thanks.

From a recent thread in another forum called “Dating non FA’s – Yay or Nay”.

I never felt like anyone “settled” by dating me, fat or thin.

I’ve been attracted to fat women all of my life. When my first wife was pregnant with my daughter, I enjoyed the sexuality of her weight gain. Funny too, because when the weight went away, I loved her so much that I didn’t notice. Now, do I think all men are like this?

According to some of the women who posted in the thread, evidently not.

As I have stated in previous blogs, I was fortunate to grow up in a home where my parents modeled what love should look like, and it had little to do with the physical. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so naive to think that EVERY relationship doesn’t start with some kind of attraction, both sides. That attraction is what makes one want to move forward and explore with the other person, to see compatibility (emotional, social, sexual, goal setting) and the like. As relationships develop, the importance of that initial physical attraction SHOULD begin to take a back seat as love takes over. We ALL go through physical changes in our bodies, especially with age. Talk with people who’ve been married for years, and ask them if they’ve changed physically. The answer will be yes, and the reason they remain together is because of love.

I am not defined by the label FA……it is a small part of the many parts that make me……….well, ME. While my attraction to fat women is something that is part of me 24-7, I’m also a boyfriend, a father AND dad to 2 wonderful kids, a sales manager for a tile and stone company, a pro wrestling promoter, a fat activist and supporter of sorts, and many other things. There’s a lot of responsibility that goes with all of those things, and I do my best to be the best I can be with all of my endeavors.

So why do FAs become generalized as “settling”?

Part of the challenge that I see here is the emphasis that has been put on sex by both partners. Sex is great, but it’s no substitute for real love. With real love the sex is better, but so is everything else. To get to that point however, takes work, and it seems many people think it’s too much effort, and want the other person to do all the work. When those relationships become so one sided, the person who handles the work load ends it, and the process starts all over again.

So, why should I feel second rate to women in the BBW community? Why does someone even question if women only “accept” FA’s because they think they can’t do better?

I’ve spent 14+ years in the BBW/FA community, during which most time I was either married, or involved in a relationship. I’ve been monogamous during the entire time. I’ve been respectful to women in the community, whether I knew them intimately or not. That said, there have been times where I’ve been looked at in a suspect manner, even being accused of using the bash that I was involved in as a personal dating pool. It’s not fun when you continually feel the need to “prove yourself” to others.

I think there is some difficulty separating the good FAs from the bad ones these days. That isn’t my fault. It may be the fault of those who feel no alternative but to keep the radar up because they’ve fallen prey to some of the bad guys, the users, the abusers, those who are here because THEY have low self esteem and look at fat women as reachable for them. None of that does anything positive for the women they meet/date/have sex with, because in the end, those one sided relationships will still end, and someone will be left holding the emotional bag.

I’m not anything special…….there are a lot of guys who are attracted to fat women who get the concept of how to treat women, and what love looks (and doesn’t look) like. The problem for many fat women is that those guys are not accessible because they are in loving, monogamous relationships (AND DON’T CHEAT, I MIGHT ADD). They don’t sneak out on weekends and go to BBW dances or bashes, or chat women up online after their girlfriends/fiances/ wives have gone to sleep. They don’t talk about certain webmodels, and how hot they think they are, since they love the women they’re with, and even if they did look at those girly pics, they wouldn’t articulate because they know it would potentially hurt the person they’re with.

And they certainly wouldn’t use a social event like a bash as a personal dating pool.

I tried to make these points in the forum where this thread was posted, but I was moderated out, even though no women had requested that there be no FA input. That will be the subject of a future blog.

I’m not second rate, especially not because of my attraction to fat women. The attraction is just a starting point. I’m a great guy, and I want the women in my life to be great as well, whatever that is for them. Come to me in 10 years after you’ve run the gamut of men OUTSIDE the community who would love you more if you “just lost a little weight”, or bribed you to do so, or talked about thinner women they were attracted to and made you feel horrible.

Find a good guy, and throw the rest of the fish back in the ocean.

For me, my battle is ending. I know better now, and the approval from the rest is no longer important to me. I like standing alone. An old friend of mine told me a long time ago that it’s a great feeling not having to prove yourself. He ended up being right about this. Wish I’d have listened sooner, but we all have to reach those conclusions on our own.

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