“The Best of the Worst”

FA’s are generally shitty.

Don’t agree? Take a look in any BBW based forum, even the ones that claim to not center around dating, but are more social networks. Some of the threads I’ve seen about FA’s recently:

“Friend or Fuck Buddy?”

“Why Do Married Men Cheat?”

“Its things said like this that absolutely disgust me..”

“It is kind of creepy, but have you done it? ”

“Real Gainers vs. Deceptive Fantasizers”

“Fat Talk?”

“Effect of FA mindset on relationships & SA”

And the now famous “FA and fat people — the potential perfect match”

One only has to look over the names of these threads to know where they head, and it’s not good. It’s not a good mix to take discussion about how shitty most BBW’s are treated by the men who supposedly “admire” them, and the pressure from the rest of the world that fat women are somehow “substandard”. The results are not good, and yet it continues……the bad behavior of FA’s both online and in person at BBW events and dances.

I believe it creates situations that good guys within the community find almost impossible to overcome. Years ago, long before I married my second wife, I dated someone who no matter what I said or did with regard to the “relationship” we had, treated me almost contemptuously, questioning my motives. I figured after the time we had spent together (well over a year) she would have realized that I wasn’t there just to get laid, that I was there for the long term. Unfortunately for her (and for me in a sense, and I’ll explain why in a moment), she refused to buy in, since she had always been treated poorly by the men she “dated”, and couldn’t see the difference. She lost out on someone who grew up understanding love, and how love is expressed via relationships.

Why did I lose? Well, from experience (and it’s happened several times to me over the past 14 years as part of the community), it takes a lot out of me as well. It’s difficult to not harbor the same feelings towards women, after these relationships head south, and it’s taken time for me via therapy to ensure that I don’t bring that mistrust to MY relationships after these others end.

It’s like a virus, and I REFUSE to pass it on, so I do my best to quarantine and beat it, rather than infect someone else, and contribute to the epidemic.

I’ve had some fantastic women in my life over the years, don’t get me wrong. For you young, impressionable new guys coming into the community, take this as a recommendation. I didn’t get those women by being an asshole, they came into my life because I treated them all well, with the respect that someone cares for them deserves. I’m not the greatest guy in the world, but I’m by no means the worst. I consider myself the best of the worst, and perhaps if you other guys in the community who supposedly love fat women read this, you may also be fortunate enough to have a good woman in your life by doing the same thing.

Good luck trying, if you think you can change your spots.

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One thought on ““The Best of the Worst”

  1. I got a nice response from someone who read my blog and took the time to thank me for “getting it”, and for being real. I appreciate those comments, but it made me reflect on an incident that took place last year.

    A Facebook group was formed last year called “Don’t Date Him, Fat Girl!”, which was formed in an effort to share info about some of the not so honorable guys in the community. While I believe that each person’s experience in relationships have the potential to be different, I still think that sharing info about guys who use big girls for sex, money or both can have some value. It’s a private group, and guys aren’t allowed (for obvious reasons)

    To my surprise, a thread was started in that forum that requested discussion about nice guys on the surface that are actually “shitty”. I was informed by several women in the group that my name was brought up within that thread.

    I was devastated by this. I’ve done my best to be respectful of women not only in the BBW community, but everywhere. That’s the way I was raised. More important, as someone very visible within the community courtesy of the NJ Bash, I hold myself to a different standard, and I defy anyone to find a woman anywhere that I’ve disrespected or “sexed up” verbally or otherwise, in any way.

    Even more hurtful was that the person who brought it up was a family friend, someone who my ex-wife and I flew in (at our expense) to visit on more than one occasion, made a guest in our home, even loaned money for things during her visits. I didn’t know what I did to deserve any kind of negative comment from her, but nevertheless, I was now accused of being “shitty”

    Now, during my time running the bash, I’ve been accused of using the event as my personal dating pool, but let me ask anyone who knows me, during the time you’ve known me, who have I been with? Ummmmmmmmmmmmm, YEAH, not too many.

    About a year ago, a guy who had recently split from his wife contacted my ex, and attempted to chat her up, using the old sympathy ploy. She suggested that he contact me, since I had experience as guy who had made that kind of split.

    Funny, I never heard from him, leading one to believe that his intentions were less than sincere. This, despite the fact that I always treated HIS ex with the utmost of respect. She and I remain friends to this day, and I’m proud to say that, as she’s an exceptional person.

    As I said in the blog, I’m not perfect. I have a bad temper and a foul mouth, both of which are typically manifested on the road every day. In my relationships, however, I’ve learned from my parents what love looks like. I have pity for those who weren’t raised in a similar fashion, as they usually wouldn’t know what love was if it hit them over the head with a 50 lb. sledge hammer. So while many of the guys in this community suck and take advantage of these women who search for anything that might look like love to them under their warped judgment, my suggestion to them is to get into therapy, or read and learn not only about what love looks and feels like, but what it DOESN’T look and feel like. as well.

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