Welcome To My Nightmare…….

I have many blogs that I’ve written over the past couple of years, and while I’ve been releasing them one at a time, I decided to write a more contemporary blog that covers some events that have occurred more recently.

It’s been just about 14 years since I attended my first NAAFA event in New Jersey.  As I recall, I read about it in a Lycos (remember them?) user group about BBW’s.  I remember walking into the hotel, looking around and seeing all the beautiful women, and thinking to myself that my prayers had been answered.

There’s an old saying that says “be careful what you pray for”.  If I had only known.

Over the course of reading my blogs, you’ll come to realize what a nightmare this has become for me.  I’ll have many stories for you, but today I want to relate just one, which has taken place over the past 5 weeks.

I’m pretty good friends with a friend of my ex-wife’s.  We don’t talk much, except on Facebook, and its only a message here and there.  She also has an ex, and as is so common in the “community”, her ex evidently was interested in mine, even though he was still married, as was my ex and I at the time.  Upon HIS separation, he called my ex on several occasions, at one point even calling her while we were getting our last tax return done together as a married couple.  It was because of this that I took him off my friends list on Facebook, and when he realized that he was no longer on my list, he contacted me and accused me of taking his ex’s side.  I politely responded and said that it was because of HIS actions during and after my marriage that I chose to end the friendship.  I also emphasized that I never crossed boundaries with his wife during their marriage.  I would never do anything like that, since disrespecting a loving relationship is not something I would want done to me (though when you’re married to a webmodel like I was, it seemed to happen on a daily basis).

I haven’t heard from him since that e-mail, so imagine my surprise last month when I receive several calls from him.  No message, just calls.  What happened for the next 22 days shocked and angered me more than I’ve ever been in my life.  On an almost daily basis, I began to receive phone calls with no messages, just calls.  Calls came in from all over the country, and the caller ID’s were only men’s names.  By the later part of the month, I did some soul searching and came to the conclusion that this guy had posted my home phone number somewhere, and somehow inferred that this was my ex-wife’s number, and thought he was doing the troll community a service by giving everyone contact info.  I’m sure there was no reason to leave a message after they heard my voice on the greeting.

So my suspicions were somewhat confirmed when a call came in last week from Louisiana.  I had a problem in one of the forums several years ago with a guy who was attracted to pear shaped women, in particular, my wife.  We exchanged some harsh unpleasant comments, which got him banned from the forum, and me being given a final warning about my language………..gee, sorry guys……..

I knew the guy’s real name, so when I called the number and asked for him by name, he replied “yeah, that’s me”.


Now to me, this isn’t a fat issue at all.  It’s a porn issue, although it reaches into the bowels of the fat community.  In late 2006, when my then wife decided to get back into BBW paysite modeling, I smiled, then called one of my friends to let him know that my marriage was doomed.  I wish I could predict other things with such accuracy.  This blog isn’t being written to discuss any of my wife’s actions, but more to discuss what is important in my own core values.  I have always said I didn’t date webmodels, not as a judgment call, but because I knew I couldn’t deal with the constant fawning by the creeps, the proposals to have sex, the badgering for private pics, even private messages to me saying I should die so they could have “my” woman.  I think it takes a special guy to deal with all of that, and I’m proud to say that I’m not very special.

In 2008, I left my job due to my boss discovering my then wife’s website, who then not only showed it off to all of my co-workers, but showed it to customers and put me in a bad situation.  My issue was, what did what my wife do have to do with me as a sales rep, and with the products that I sold.  I almost took legal action, but since I work in a very closed industry, chose not to.  A little over a year later, we split up.

So here I am now well over a year and a half later, and STILL “paying” for my ex’s webmodeling career.  It’s a personal nightmare for me, and I’ve decided to make that nightmare public, not so much for support, but to show you all how insane some of the things that go on in this “community” have become.  Perhaps a young girl who is considering doing paysite modeling will read this, and if she has a boyfriend/fiance’/husband will actually talk with him to see if he’s in the state of mind to be able to handle this insanity.  Better yet, maybe she won’t even consider it, after she reads about my plight, and realizes that the short term gain will never be worth the long term loss of a good man.

Oh yeah, my nightmare?  Don’t worry about waking me from it, I’ll be taking care of that myself.

More on BBW paysites in my upsoming blogs.


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