Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten a mixed reaction from the first couple of blogs that I’ve posted. One comment made to me was that there is enough criticism of the fat community from those outside of it, and the last thing it needs is someone from the inside doing the same thing.
Oh, but it’s okay for them to do it to me……….
Just one small case in point. Last year, when the governor of NJ Chris Christie was running, a campaign manager from his opponent John Corzine’s camp was overheard saying “If Christie wins, it’s going to give new meaning to ‘The Rotunda’ in the State House”. I was incensed by the comment, and posted it on my Facebook page, thinking the rest of my peers would have read or heard about this inflammatory comment, and would have understood. Oh God, was I wrong.
I was bombarded with comments & private messages, accusing me of being a hypocrite, claiming my Fat Activism was limited to fat women only, and that I was doing my own brand of fat hating. Even after I explained myself in subsequent Facebook posts, it seemed at that point that no one was listening to my explanation.
There have been more instances over the years, far too many to list here, but let’s just say that I’m not talking out of my ass when I say that the fat community has hit me pretty hard with the “fat stick” over the past year. Funny, I came to this community over fourteen years ago for acceptance as well, just like many. Just like many, however, I feel that the community has changed for the worse, and examine whether I need to remain part of it going forward.
Again, this is not leveled at those who know me well from all of our many lengthy conversations. This is meant for those who follow this community blindly, without taking the time to really understand the issues. So many have jumped on the bandwagon, and use it to carry out personal vendettas against people who are often on the same team. You alienate them, you ostracize them, you bash them until they refrain from discussing anything in the forums, in chat, and often in real life as well. I have seen many people leave certain forums who came with the same curiousity that I came with 14 years ago, who decided that you all weren’t worth the effort.
Sometimes I don’t blame them.
I remember when people would share ideas, communicate (meaning talking AND listening), and make others welcome. I’ve seen posts and comments made in chat to people stating that they weren’t welcome, that they didn’t belong wherever they were, and were told in no uncertain terms to GTFO. Now one would think that those who comprise a community who have strived most of their lives for acceptance would be more accepting of others? I did, and now after 14 years I’m doing a little re-thinking.
One of the PM’s I received about my blogs was that they were quite critical of FA’s, but somewhat protective of the women in this community. What I’ve discussed in the previous paragraphs is a little more pervasive than just within the FA part our social spectre. In fact, this non-acceptance & dislike may seem more common among the ladies. Feel threatened by someone? Simple, cut their legs off, especially with a couple of my friends who throw an exclamation point on it, and problem is solved.
A friend of mine who has also withdrawn from the community recently said that he left because he was tired of all of the self serving, needy people who would suck everyone else dry in order to get what they wanted, which is typically never enough. To a certain extent I see what he means, and while I’m not ready to walk away from the community for good, I have to wonder how long I have to sit in the middle of fat haters on one side, and a group of people who continually take with little regard for the giver.