It has taken me years to realize that some of the best people who comprise the fat communityend up leaving.
Here’s a comment from someone in the community who I respect:
“It really bothers me to no end that a “community” that preaches so much “acceptance” has some of the least accepting people, so quick to condemn, that I know of in my life. The negativity is so disappointing.”
Funny, I feel that way as well, and while I tend to try to stay above the lobster pot, here I am again in it. Often, I want out, I hate where I am, and feel “stuck”, and the frustration has now affected a relationship that I value.
I feel restrained at times because of my “position” in the community, or whatever the hell you want to call this mess. I think at times I get held to a higher standard, like people are waiting for me to fuck up when I open my mouth, so they can say “see? he’s a fucking liar, not cracked up to be who or what he said he was”.
I’ve reflected back on all of the friends I’ve made in Dimensions, NAAFA, and so many other places over the years, who have ended up leaving for the same reason as noted above. It’s become extremely disheartening to me to the point where I’m beginning to ask myself why I still remain.
There’s an old term in the pro wrestling business called “putting yourself over. What that means is that you verbally elevate yourself through the promos (comments) that you make. Some wrestlers do it the traditional way, by just bragging, while others put themselves over by putting down their opponents. To me, that smacks of what is often the case in the community……….make yourself look better by putting down others. You all can argue that it doesn’t happen often, but I can tell you that there’s enough of it going on that people are becoming more disenchanted with the community than ever. It’s not just me, though some of you may think it is. Yeah, I may take things more personally than most of you, but I’ve had almost 14 years now of wearing my FA heart on my sleeve, and getting questioned as being someone who “fronts”. My best friends know that is the furthest thing from the truth. Frankly, no one can front for 14 years. I’ve quit jobs, gotten into near fist fights, and have been a vocal proponent of not only my choice to be a FA, but SIZE (not just fat) acceptance as well.
I’m questioned, even about why I’m writing these blogs. I know that it’s making some people very uncomfortable, and I can tell you that those who are becoming paranoid are doing so for fear of how my blogs will affect their business overall. In other words, those folks are here for FINANCIAL reasons, not because they are doing anything for the community. Somehow though, you manage to support those people, and make them more money, as they steal from you, and give little in return.
More amazing to me is how the people who GIVE and support, are kicked in the ass. As individuals I think so many here make the wrong choices about who to support and who NOT to support.
And that, my friends is why so many good people leave.