“Bashing”

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post on my Facebook about how every community needs the deviant, the malcontent, the person who holds up the stupid mirror at times (sometimes ALL the time) to show the rest of the community how dumb their way of thinking might be.  It got a ton of responses, and somehow transitioned over to how the fat “community” behaves online and at bashes, vs. in real life.

This past week, one of the larger social groups that run events posted the announcement of their New Year’s Eve “Bash” in Connecticut.  This is the same group that ran a recent event calling it the “2nd New Jersey BBW Bash” , as if to ride the coat tails of the event run by Berna and I.  There are very grandiose pictures of the hotel lobby, the swimming pool, the “lit” dance floor.  “Look at the beautiful hotel we’re in!  You’ll have a GREAT time here!  Come and be part of our group!!!”

You mean, come and spend money, and make the owners of that social group wealthy.

Back in July, there was a new Philly Bash, although it didn’t share the same name with the original.  Again, the marketing showed this beautiful hotel with all the trimmings.  After speaking with a bunch of people who attended, I was told that there was NO value for the event.  Further investigation showed that the money behind this event was from someone who runs a porn site, who used her son’s “girlfriend” to front the event for fear that attendance would diminish if it was discovered who actually ran this event.

A bunch of lies, just to make money.  Great.

Back in 2007, when we ran our first New Jersey Bash, a well known webmaster from the BBW paysite community approached us about becoming a partner in our events.  Berna and Idiscussed it, and both decided it wasn’t in the best interests of the people who attend our events, and it wasn’t in OUR best interests either, as the person who controls the money controls the business.  Berna and I continued to invest in our business, and we maintain control of what goes on at our events.

I’m well aware that for many of you, BBW/BHM/FA events are like a weekend party for you.  While I’m good with that, I also think that there’s a certain responsibility on all of you who attend to walk away with something more than happy crotches.  We’ve done our best to provide entertainment from our community who speak about involvement and activism, to provide information resources, and to make you at least think about something other than getting laid.  Again, I have to emphasize that my comments aren’t meant for everyone who’s attended our events, but you have to understand my disappointment when someone like Meghan Tonjes offers to talk about her Project Lifesize after her performance at our event, and no one approaches her about it.

A friend of mine recently responded to me about his perception of events:

I think bashes are absolutely essential, as they ARE vacation spots that can be a LOT of fun. The point I was trying to make is that there is a world outside of bashes, Dimensions, and Fantasy Feeder. Too many people (men and women included) show up with a big smile and the urge to engage in unemotional sex, but once the weekend is over, they resort to dressing like Eskimos or straying away from dates that weight more than 200 lbs; the bash is the ONLY venue they care to be themselves.

This mirror, mirror on the wall recommends that people start liberating their souls and living for themselves and for the moment OUTSIDE of sites and bashes. I wear my sexual orientation like a badge of honor, and it’s earned me tons of respect from friends, family, and the workplace. I live this FA life every day…not just for a weekend in NJ or in Las Vegas.

People from our community (and I say that very loosely) need to be a little more true to themselves and accept the simple fact that they are, in no way, entitled to love, respect, admiration, or anything and everything in between. They need to assert themselves with their friends, their families, themselves, and EARN it.I think bashes are absolutely essential, as they ARE vacation spots that can be a LOT of fun. The point I was trying to make is that there is a world outside of bashes, Dimensions, and Fantasy Feeder. Too many people (men and women included) show up with a big smile and the urge to engage in unemotional sex, but once the weekend is over, they resort to dressing like Eskimos or straying away from dates that weight more than 200 lbs; the bash is the ONLY venue they care to be themselves.

So, my question to you is, do you live your lifestyle EVERY DAY, or just when it’s convenient? If you’re a FA, is it only to come to the bash on any given weekend, and fuck someone in the name of fat acceptance?  If you’re a BBW atttending these events, are you already “working” your next event while your legs are lifted high in the air at the event you’re presently attending?

Me?  I made my choice 14 years ago, and never looked back.  My confidence in my lifestyle and in myself has made it easy for me to dismiss anyone who attempts to critique it.  A few years ago I left a well salaried position in my field because my employer “discovered” my then wife’s BBW paysite, and thought it was funny enough to share around the office, and later with clients.  Once I found out, I had another position within 3 weeks, tendered my resignation, and threatened lawsuit against my former employer for creating a hostile work environment (there is a law that covers this).

I didn’t do all of that so I could get laid over the course of the weekend…………..

So, when any of you see a post from me quoting someone else who said something negative and want to attribute it to me, as if I said the words, I give you the big old “fuck you”.  I talk the talk, and walk the walk.  Problem is, after 14 years of me in this community, some of you idiots are still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and my “true colors” will be revealed.

I’d rather be me, than to be some of you, who sit in hallways at these events getting fucked up on 4 Loco in the name of fat acceptance.

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One thought on ““Bashing”

  1. I want to add some thoughts here. I know that I’ve made some negative remarks about some other events that run in the Metropolitan area.

    In the pro wrestling business, one of the ways of “putting yourself over” with your audience is to put down your competition. I want you all to know that it’s not my intention to do that at all. I think those of you who attend the NJ Bash KNOW how much work Berna and I put into it. We give so much value compared to all the other events, that I don’t feel a need to put anyone else down to make us look better. I think we do that by running the events that we do.

    I’ve never found it in me to support social groups that are only in it for the money. Yeah, I miss my friends, but I don’t need a bash or dance to see them. Maybe some of you do, but I can’t. You guys all vote with your dollars, do you think about that when you choose to attend an event?

    Want to take it down to its most elemental level? Before you hand over money to anyone running an event, do you ask how they support the “community”, or what they do for size acceptance or fat activism? Really, if you don’t you should. These people are no better than the guys who check in on Friday night, bang someone, and head out before daybreak on Saturday morning, or the women who use a guy to pay their bash fees, then run around to everyone else the entire weekend, forgetting who got them there.

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